How to Use an Hour

     When I was little, I thought an hour was an insanely long amount of time. I remember being told that we were going to be dropped off at grandma's but "only for an hour". Only an hour??? That's plenty of time! Now that I'm older, an hour feels like nothing. It makes me sad because it feels like there's nothing in life to do any more that only takes an hour. Except maybe an episode of TV. So when I hear that I'll have an hour to waste in between two things, that's immediately what I jump to. I'll say to myself "Oh, well I can't really accomplish much in an hour anyway, so I might as well just watch something for a little bit". And I love TV and find a lot of value in it because I think it takes a lot of talent to create visual stories like that. But it's also such an easy way to waste my life. And I feel like I'm meant to do so much more than just waste my time. I was watching this video (of course) of this girl showing all of her notebooks and how she uses each one. This girl literally had like ten notebooks that she routinely works in, one for favorite quotes, one for spiritual musings, one for to-do lists, one for her calendar/agenda, one for sketches and creative ideas, one for journaling her day, etc. And I was like "Girl how do you have time to maintain ALL of those notebooks? Wouldn't it be easier just to have one giant dump journal to just spill your whole brain onto?" I mean it was impressive, but I was just astounded. And then I remembered-- I have a diary, a quote book, a prayer journal, a "letters to my future husband" notebook (lol), an "iPhone notes" booklet, a random stuff notebook. And there have been times-- though few and far between-- when I update all of these books regularly, just like the girl in the video! It's just that there are also periods of time where I lapse into seasons of reaching for TV when I'm bored instead of reaching for any of my various notebooks. And I try to justify this behavior by saying that watching TV and videos helps to inspire my own creativity-- which can be totally true! I get so many ideas and inspiration from the shows and videos that other people make. But lately all I've been doing is being FILLED by other peoples' creativity instead of pouring out my OWN creativity.
     You guys, I've mentioned it before, and I'll mention it again. I am not good at routines. But what I've realized lately is it's not just "routines". The thing I'm really bad at is living intentionally. Using my time wisely to maximize my purpose-- which is writing/creativity/using gifts from God to their greatest capacity. It's not that I'm lazy per se. It's just that I take the easy road, and I idolize entertainment too much.
     Another thing I've noticed is that I have always preferred to write on paper, long hand. I like the intentional aspect of that. It takes time, you have to really care about what you're doing to think it's worth it to write it all down. Typing is amazing, it's one of my talents (I love staring out into the distance, not looking at my hands at all, and typing an entire sentence without a single mistake. I'm pretty proud of that ability). But like I said, it's the easy way! And you'd think that since it's easier, I would use it to my advantage, I'd be writing every day because it's quick and easy and I can type as fast as if not faster than I can think with my little brain. But there's something about typing that feels less creative than writing longhand. It's like the coldness and technical-ness of it usurps my inspiration sometimes. A blank and blinking cursor is so much more daunting and scary to me than a blank page. A blank page says "potential", but a blank screen says "Well come on already!" Also-- and this is the big obvious one: there are literally ENDLESS distractions on the computer! I log on with the idea to sit down and write write write. And then I'm like "Oh well maybe I'll put on some music in the background (even though I should know by now that I soooooo cannot concentrate on anything else when there's music on). So I'll wait for YouTube to load, and then, though I'd meant to go to my playlist, I'll see a thumbnail for some interesting sounding video, click on that instead. While that's loading, I'll go check something on some other website or whatever and then eventually, I'm so far down the wormhole that I have completely forgotten and abandoned my writing.
     I don't know how to fix any of these problems. But I do know that I really want to. I want to reclaim my creativity. I want to live intentionally. I want to stop abusing my love for entertainment. I want to stop taking the easy, comfortable, entertaining route. So, wish me luck on my journey, and you're welcome to come along.

-VaughnDL