Love Is Everything

Part of me doesn't know what to write. What can I possibly say on a day like today?

You know when you were a kid and you got the wind knocked out of you? You sat somewhere and struggled to find your breath? That's what I feel right now. I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me and I'm looking for air. 

I woke up this morning and realized it was Inauguration day. I realized that my brother is at the front lines protecting the new president. I realized how hopeless I felt. I rolled in bed trying to go back to sleep but I couldn't. My body was like a live wire ready to tackle the day. My soul and heart didn't feel the same way. Tears welled up in my eyes and I went to sit in the living room. It was pouring down rain. Ironically, it did the same thing the day after the election. I felt the same exact feelings that I felt that day. Hopeless, sad, afraid, pissed etc. It all felt like a cruel joke. 

I made the mistake of getting on social media. There of course were positive posts, people talking about how they are going to the march tomorrow. Then there was a flood of negative posts. The kind of posts that make you ask, "Do you even have a soul, a brain or a pulse?" After angrily turning off the computer I went to my room. When I walked in I saw a painting staring back at me. My room is full of pictures. But I put the painting in the center so that I would see it every time I walked in my room.

It's a reminder to sit at the feet of Jesus. I think the painting is a little to idealistic. This is how I would see myself. I imagine myself in jeans (that's a little ambitious) and a t-shirt, laying my head on his knee, my hair an absolute mess and never shutting up. When I saw the painting something struck a chord. 

"Talk to me."

So I did. 

"Jesus, I'm really pissed."

"Are you mad at God?"

"I'm mad at a lot of people."

"I'll take that as a yes. Tell God about it."

"I don't know if I can speak about it."

"Then write it."

So I did.

That's basically what I've been doing all day. Crying and writing. My journal is filled with passionate rants, tears and bible verses. It eventually somehow turned into a letter to my children. You know the ones that I don't have. I tried to picture everything about them. Their tiny feet, face and hands. I tried to remember what it was like to be so innocent. How do you explain racism, sexism, Islamophobia etc to a child? I can't tell my future children that America highest values are diversity, inclusion, courage, wisdom and humility. Today is proof that isn't true. I can only tell them that our family values that. Here's some of the things that I wrote.

• Diversity is what makes this country beautiful. 

Just because people aren't like you doesn't mean that they are wrong. You shouldn't care about the color of another person. Just because someone doesn't share the same religion as you doesn't make them wrong. They are a person and they have value.

• Don't be 'that Christian'.

*I'm just assuming they will be Christian. I could be wrong.*

Christians are not being persecuted in America. It's the biggest load of bull in this country today. Christians are beyond divided. You're going to hear crap. Christians will point the finger and judge others. You have no right to judge anyone. No one. Don't sink down to that low level. When you feel yourself judging others examine your own heart. What is making you do that? Do you feel guilty about something? Are you angry? Then come back to Jesus in your worn out jeans. If you see someone getting judged or bullied you do something. I don't care if they are like you. I don't care if you are not like each other in anyway shape or form. Do something.

• Stand up for what you believe in.

I don't care if you are in the minority. Figure out what breaks your heart and fight it. Don't be silent in terrible situations. I don't care if no one is standing with you. I am standing with you no matter what. Don't stop because others are telling you that you are wrong.  If you are doing anything out of pure love you can't be wrong. Don't wait for an example, be the example. Ask yourself the question, "What if this was the moment I was born for?" 

• Jerks are jerks for a reason.

This world will always have jerks. They are hiding their insecurities and their pain. People are not born jerks. Something happened to them that made them the way they are. It's so easy to fight a jerk. Trust me I know how tempting it is. I'm experiencing it right now and it's so hard to think outside of myself. I could say something snarky and witty but aren't they expecting that? Why do you think they are so fast with a comeback? They already know what you're going to say. Throw them off with compassion and empathy

• Pain is necessary in life.

Without pain there is no transformation. You will find God in the midst of your pain because he is there. God knows that pain is there and he's upset too. He knew this was coming but he also know what's coming up. "There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning." -Psalm 30:5. You are not broken. You're just living.

• Find 'those people'.

Find the people who agree with you. They are out there. Find them and cling to them because they are precious. I got a text at five in the morning from a friend who is researching and challenging anti-gay bible verses. Throughout the day my phone was blowing up with positivity. Lean on those people because they are filled with Christ.

• God is not a giant jerk in the sky.

As a kid I always thought that God was an old guy sitting in chair. That's how Christians somehow present him. I hated that idea. What kind of God is that? What does he do? People get to the pearly gates and he decides whether they make it through or not? No. Like I said before God is here and he is working. He is constantly cheering us on throughout life. He wants us to come to him with our problems and struggles. I pray that you never fear talking openly and honestly to God. He wants to hear from you. God is the greatest listener in the world. He knows that you screwed up and he wants you to come back home. You can always start over. God gives second, third, fourth, fifth chances all the time. When we fear God we shut off the love he so freely gives.

• Love is everything.

Love is the greatest weapon in your arsenal. You want to throw someone off guard? Love them. You want to fight hate? God is love and because God is love we love others. It is the most powerful force on the face of this earth. If we loved one another we would change the world forever. When you have love in your heart you see everything differently. Why don't we do it? It's so hard. It's hard to love our enemies and our neighbors. Your neighbors might have a Trump sign in their yard. You might be tempted to take that sign and throw it away. That won't do anything though. When you show love people will see good in the world.

• You're never getting social media under my roof.

You will thank me later. I am saving you from years of negativity. Then I hope you do the same for your children.

That's my spiel for the day. I could say so much more but it's late. It's almost twelve in the morning and my brain is mush now. It's been such a long day. Get some rest, tomorrow we fight with love.

DFTBA

-AB