The Gut-Wrenching Moments
Excerpt from my journal entry for today...
"Senior year has been the year of lessons. So much has happened this year and I can't believe that it's almost over. We have less than a month left. Sometimes I sit on my bed and think, "Did all of that really happen this year?" I think the reason that so much has happened this year is because I truly let God in. I've been honest with him. I've been more open in general. Because of that I started dealing more with my mental illness and my physical health. ~insert other personal information~ I feel like I have been reborn or met a stranger and realized that I am the stranger. Though its been really beautiful and refreshing there has also been a lot of pain. There have been the gut-wrenching and heart dropping moments..."
I don't really re-read my journal until months or even years after the entry. Today I read the journal entry over and over and over again. Of course there is a lot more to it but we don't have time to read my pages and pages of journal entries. I'm sad to say though that it has been one of those gut-wrenching and heart dropping moments. We all look up to someone. Whether that be friends, family, people we admire for one reason or another...The list goes on and on. I was sick today and by the end of the day wound up taking an hour nap which is why I am still up. When I woke up I did the first thing I always do when I wake up. Get on social media, it's a habit I'm trying to break. I saw that someone on Facebook had posted something personal. That she and her spouse were separating. When I finished looking at it the first thing I thought of was, 'Really? Them? But they're so..." Yes, I almost said the word 'perfect.' It amazes me sometimes about how much we see and don't see in a person's life. My heart dropped for them because that sucks. It was disappointing because I looked up to this couple. It is a reminder that nobody is perfect and nobody has that 'perfect life' that we all hope that we will have someday. Life throws curve balls and things happen that we never thought in a million years would happen. I couldn't stop thinking about it so of course I did what I always do when I can't stop thinking about something.
Write a short, chaotic and confusing blog post. I always have good intentions though. I promise.
I should go to bed.
DFTBA
-AB
"Senior year has been the year of lessons. So much has happened this year and I can't believe that it's almost over. We have less than a month left. Sometimes I sit on my bed and think, "Did all of that really happen this year?" I think the reason that so much has happened this year is because I truly let God in. I've been honest with him. I've been more open in general. Because of that I started dealing more with my mental illness and my physical health. ~insert other personal information~ I feel like I have been reborn or met a stranger and realized that I am the stranger. Though its been really beautiful and refreshing there has also been a lot of pain. There have been the gut-wrenching and heart dropping moments..."
I don't really re-read my journal until months or even years after the entry. Today I read the journal entry over and over and over again. Of course there is a lot more to it but we don't have time to read my pages and pages of journal entries. I'm sad to say though that it has been one of those gut-wrenching and heart dropping moments. We all look up to someone. Whether that be friends, family, people we admire for one reason or another...The list goes on and on. I was sick today and by the end of the day wound up taking an hour nap which is why I am still up. When I woke up I did the first thing I always do when I wake up. Get on social media, it's a habit I'm trying to break. I saw that someone on Facebook had posted something personal. That she and her spouse were separating. When I finished looking at it the first thing I thought of was, 'Really? Them? But they're so..." Yes, I almost said the word 'perfect.' It amazes me sometimes about how much we see and don't see in a person's life. My heart dropped for them because that sucks. It was disappointing because I looked up to this couple. It is a reminder that nobody is perfect and nobody has that 'perfect life' that we all hope that we will have someday. Life throws curve balls and things happen that we never thought in a million years would happen. I couldn't stop thinking about it so of course I did what I always do when I can't stop thinking about something.
Write a short, chaotic and confusing blog post. I always have good intentions though. I promise.
I should go to bed.
DFTBA
-AB
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