First Generation

This is disconcerting.

     I am a first generation college student. Or at least I will be if I can ever manage to figure out everything I have to do to actually go to college. Right now I have four other tabs open on my computer, all of which have information and tasks on them that I have no idea how to tackle. I don't know what loans I'm supposed to accept or deny, what the differences even are, what the difference between FSA and FAFSA is (although apparently there IS a difference, since my FAFSA username and password doesn't work on the FSA website????). Whenever I don't know what I'm doing, I get really angry. Like I'm smart enough to have gone through four years of high school on my own, and tackle the admissions process and apply for numerous scholarships, and get accepted to my dream school, and even go to a college interview which resulted in me getting into a great program at my school and a sizable interview. But then I come home and I'm all on my own trying to navigate all these different requirements that no one ever told me about. Like apparently I need a student physical? And on the website it says that I need it 6 months before entry to college, but I didn't even get notified about it until like a month ago! And then when I scheduled the appointment, there wasn't an opening until June! So I'm sitting here like "what if the reason I don't get to go to college is because I didn't get a stupid physical in a timely fashion?" That would be asinine! And then I get my financial aid packet, and I have to accept two loans, one of which is subsidized, and one that isn't, and I have no idea what the difference is, and my parents obviously don't. So I google it, and I still have no idea what it means, or if one is bad or good, or what! So I accepted them both. And then it tells me I have to take "loan counseling" for every loan I receive, so I go to the website and try to begin the counseling session, and it's like "Sorry, the website is currently undergoing technical upgrades. Please come back later after we've finished." And I'm just like "What the poo, I'm just trying to bumble my way through this process that feels like it's in a totally different language, and then the WEBSITE is down for REPAIRS? I don't deserve this." Like, okay, you have an accountant to help you file your taxes right? Well this feels just as hard if not harder than doing taxes, so where's my College Assistance Counselor?? I need some short haired lady in a skirt suit standing behind me while I sit in my computer chair explaining to me what I'm doing and what I'm supposed to click on and why all of these things I've never heard of before are necessary. Because literally, it's all Greek to me.
     And like, there's TONS of resources telling you how to apply for colleges, and how to decide what college to go to, and how to navigate life on a college campus. But there aren't any resources about What to Do Between Sending in Your Deposit and Actually Beginning Your First Semester. Like you don't just send in your deposit and then show up. There's all this in between crap that NO ONE TELLS YOU HOW TO DO. You're just supposed to figure it out for yourself. And I don't know how to do that. And I'm mad at an inanimate object, and there's like a lump rising in my throat that's like "OMG I could not be able to go to college because I don't know how to figure all this crap out!" and I'm kind of on the verge of tears. So I'm gonna turn my computer off for now and watch a movie. Which will solve things for the time being, but at some point, I'll still have to come back to the computer and try to figure all this out again. It's scary as all get out, but I'm sure I'll be able to figure it out. I mean, I have to right? If not, I'll be living in a van down by the river, or in my parents basement, and I'd prefer to not have to do that. If anyone knows a College Assistance Counselor I can hire for a few months, give me a call. I'd greatly appreciate it. Sorry for ranting.

-VaughnDL