What Do You Fear?

I know I've already posted for today but for some reason I wanted to post this. I've been sick for the weekend and that mostly means that I sit and watch YouTube. I really didn't read as much as I had hoped too. Maybe God will give us a snow day tomorrow?  Anyway when I wasn't laying on the couch I was at the Valentines dinner that my church held which involved driving to the grocery store multiple times in a somewhat snow storm and running around in a crowded kitchen trying to make food. Also I went prom dress shopping. I saw MF at one of the stores and her dress was absolutely gorgeous. The shopping caused frustration, angry/sad texts to Emma. It even got to the point of tears. I looked at the saleslady and asked her to pick something out, whatever she thought would look best.
Of course the first one she picked was the one I loved. I could have hugged her I was so happy. So relieved to have that checked off my list.

Sorry for the bad picture. It will be prettier in May.

I am getting off track now.

Anyway while on Youtube I saw a new video from Jack's Gap, This was kind of a pleasant surprise because they haven't been posting in a while and i'm glad that they are trying to change that. They made a whole video about people saying what they feared. This was actually a really great video to watch. It made me think of my general fears.

1. Heights.
2. The dark, this one is serious.
3. Bugs, spiders etc.

Then it got deeper and people began to get personal. I was so amazed that people were so willing to put their fears on the internet for so many people to see. When you talk about your fears you make yourself vulnerable. I decided to take out my journal and write one of the most personal entries I have ever wrote. I wrote three pages about what scared me and why it scared me. I don't think it's bad to be scared but if you let it take over your life it will. I think I spend to much time in fear that I do miss out and that sucks. Obviously I'm not going to share everything but here are some of the things that really do scare me.

1. My disorder taking over my life, 
2. Losing someone I dearly, dearly love. I have had so many dreams of someone I love dying or walking out and they never come back. It's hard to lose someone because you have to let go and change.
3. Letting someone I love down to the point where they will want nothing to do with me anymore. I really underestimate people's capacity to be compassionate and loving. We make so many mistakes and it's hard to remember that we are human and we will mess up.
4. Living a life I hate. I think a lot of people fear this.
5. Falling in love, what's so great about falling?

DFTBA

-AB