Hey Jude, Refrain
So it's day two of 7 (I started two days late) and I cheated pretty badly tonight. I've been very good so far, only eating my 7 foods:
But then tonight we went over to my grandparent's house for dinner and my mom told me my grandma was making fish, so I made up some black bean "soup" (IE: pureed black beans with water, salt, pepper, olive oil, hot pepper flakes (they are, after all, dried peppers), and red peppers, sprinkled with cheese on top) and I brought it to my grandparent's house, all ready to zap in the microwave, but then I walked in, and my grandma had the table set all nicely and the food was ready and I just didn't have the heart to tell her that I was eating pureed black beans instead of the food that she had spent an hour fixing. I don't care if you call me a cheater; I think I did the right thing. If I was the one who'd spent a lot of time fixing a nice meal for someone and they came over with their own food and zapped it in the microwave, I'd be ever-so-slightly mad.
So I had one 7-sanctioned food for dinner (a whole wheat roll) and 3 un-7 foods (coleslaw, fish, and corn).
You'll be happy to know I didn't butter my bread. And I passed up the dark chocolate my grandma offered me.
But whatever. The whole point is to be more aware of everything we've been given, and as I ate 3 very un-7 foods, I was thankful for the delicious food I was eating, prepared by my wonderful, loving grandmother. Like I said, you can call me a cheater, but I think that's not the point at all. I could follow 7 strictly all month long, not "cheating" once, and yet if I don't learn a thing from it the whole month, it's absolutely a waste of time. Whereas, even though I cheated today, I was more thankful for that meal than any meal I've had in a while, and so I consider that to be a success.
Your opinion on the matter is not necessary. Thank you.
In fact, I'd be willing to do the whole month if I were allowed to cheat when I saw fit, but I have a feeling AB would not allow that.
Moving on to another topic. A very sad one. On Monday, a kid who went to my church killed himself. He was 17. I didn't know him (our church is huge), but that doesn't make it less awful. Okay, that's not true. It's a million quadrillion times more awful for his parents than it is for me. But the fact that he killed himself is awful, no matter what. It makes me so sad to think that anyone could feel so helpless and lost and angry and hate themselves so much that they would end their own life. I always think, "If I had known them, I would have realized they were depressed. I would have helped them, or stopped it." But that's not true. Max's own parent's didn't realize he wanted to kill himself. His siblings didn't realize, his friends didn't realize, his teachers didn't realize. People can be very, very good at hiding their emotions.
And I don't know what I would do if one of my friends or my brother was feeling depressed, or acting suicidal, or just plain different. I don't know if I'd realize, or if I'd be brave enough to say or do anything about it. What do you say to someone who is suicidal? All of the suicide pamphlets and what not tell you to "Talk to an adult if you think someone is displaying signs that they may want to harm themselves" or "If a friend tells you they're thinking about suicide, talk to them about their feelings." But that's not how it usually goes down. If I wanted to commit suicide (which I promise you, I do not. I am looking forward to old age), I would not tell even the closest of my friends. And as for the "signs of wanting to harm themselves": there could be none. Most of the time there are very few. If all suicidal people showed signs, the rate of suicides would drop drastically. As it is, most people don't know that a person was depressed until they've done something like committed suicide, or tried to.
I know we've talked about suicide here before, but really: don't do it. I wish I could come up with the perfect thing to say to convince you that it is never, never the answer, and never, ever worth it, but I don't know what to say. I could tell you to tell someone, but I know that I would never take that advice myself. I would tell you to know that you are loved, but sometimes that doesn't seem like it's enough. I would tell you that whatever it is will seem inconsequential in twenty years, but that doesn't matter because right now it feels like it's tearing apart your life. So I'll tell you this: think of yourself a long time from now, when you're old and gray and weathered and wise from life, and think about what that person would tell you. I can't imagine an old grandma or grandpa sitting in a rocking chair wishing death upon anyone, most of all their younger self.
Day 194 Song Recommendation: "Hey Jude" by the Beatles. "And any time you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain, don't carry the weight of the world upon your shoulders."
-SE Wagner
- bread
- cheese
- hummus
- lettuce
- peppers
- apples
- beans
But then tonight we went over to my grandparent's house for dinner and my mom told me my grandma was making fish, so I made up some black bean "soup" (IE: pureed black beans with water, salt, pepper, olive oil, hot pepper flakes (they are, after all, dried peppers), and red peppers, sprinkled with cheese on top) and I brought it to my grandparent's house, all ready to zap in the microwave, but then I walked in, and my grandma had the table set all nicely and the food was ready and I just didn't have the heart to tell her that I was eating pureed black beans instead of the food that she had spent an hour fixing. I don't care if you call me a cheater; I think I did the right thing. If I was the one who'd spent a lot of time fixing a nice meal for someone and they came over with their own food and zapped it in the microwave, I'd be ever-so-slightly mad.
So I had one 7-sanctioned food for dinner (a whole wheat roll) and 3 un-7 foods (coleslaw, fish, and corn).
You'll be happy to know I didn't butter my bread. And I passed up the dark chocolate my grandma offered me.
But whatever. The whole point is to be more aware of everything we've been given, and as I ate 3 very un-7 foods, I was thankful for the delicious food I was eating, prepared by my wonderful, loving grandmother. Like I said, you can call me a cheater, but I think that's not the point at all. I could follow 7 strictly all month long, not "cheating" once, and yet if I don't learn a thing from it the whole month, it's absolutely a waste of time. Whereas, even though I cheated today, I was more thankful for that meal than any meal I've had in a while, and so I consider that to be a success.
Your opinion on the matter is not necessary. Thank you.
In fact, I'd be willing to do the whole month if I were allowed to cheat when I saw fit, but I have a feeling AB would not allow that.
Moving on to another topic. A very sad one. On Monday, a kid who went to my church killed himself. He was 17. I didn't know him (our church is huge), but that doesn't make it less awful. Okay, that's not true. It's a million quadrillion times more awful for his parents than it is for me. But the fact that he killed himself is awful, no matter what. It makes me so sad to think that anyone could feel so helpless and lost and angry and hate themselves so much that they would end their own life. I always think, "If I had known them, I would have realized they were depressed. I would have helped them, or stopped it." But that's not true. Max's own parent's didn't realize he wanted to kill himself. His siblings didn't realize, his friends didn't realize, his teachers didn't realize. People can be very, very good at hiding their emotions.
And I don't know what I would do if one of my friends or my brother was feeling depressed, or acting suicidal, or just plain different. I don't know if I'd realize, or if I'd be brave enough to say or do anything about it. What do you say to someone who is suicidal? All of the suicide pamphlets and what not tell you to "Talk to an adult if you think someone is displaying signs that they may want to harm themselves" or "If a friend tells you they're thinking about suicide, talk to them about their feelings." But that's not how it usually goes down. If I wanted to commit suicide (which I promise you, I do not. I am looking forward to old age), I would not tell even the closest of my friends. And as for the "signs of wanting to harm themselves": there could be none. Most of the time there are very few. If all suicidal people showed signs, the rate of suicides would drop drastically. As it is, most people don't know that a person was depressed until they've done something like committed suicide, or tried to.
Day 194 Song Recommendation: "Hey Jude" by the Beatles. "And any time you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain, don't carry the weight of the world upon your shoulders."
-SE Wagner
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