Today was just exhausting. I went to school and I right when I got there I felt terrible. Just shaky and cold/hot. Also we had the Coexist party and I wanted to go so badly. It was fun but when I got home I found out that I had a fever of 101, cold and a sore throat. Now i'm sitting on my couch watching 19 kids and counting because they make everything better. Once again I have been searching YouTube and have found a video that I have loved. Kayli Butler is someone that I found at random two years ago. This video was the first video that I watched of hers. When I first saw the thumbnail, not even seeing the title I just thought about how beautiful she was and still is. No the A word is not ass, it’s anorexia. I remember hearing about anorexia for the first time from my aunt and Mom. My cousin’s friend was struggling with anorexia. I was too little to understand what it was, I had never heard it before. My Mom and my aunt were talking about it and when we got home I was so curious that I had to ask. Mom told me the truth that it was someone who didn’t want to eat. They look in the mirror and see what isn’t there which in this case it’s fat. She explained it as a mental and physical disorder and really that’s what it is. It’s also an addiction. I know on the blog I have written about it before but finding this video once again made me want to talk about it again. I don’t know what it’s like to be anorexic, I don’t know what it’s like to eat something and throw it up. I do however know what it’s like to feel ugly and hate your own body. As girls we are taught more to tell ourselves that we are not good enough rather than believe that we are beautiful. I did do my 40 day make-up challenge and that was really hard, harder than I would like to admit. Sometimes I would ignore the mirror because I just didn’t want to look. It was like everyone around me was ten times more beautiful than I was. That everyone saw a difference in me and thought that I was ugly. Another thing to think about is also as girls we like to say that we are all beautiful in our own way but yet we put ourselves down constantly. How many times have you walked down the hallway saw a girl you didn’t think was particularly beautiful and told your friends about them and what you didn’t like about them? We all have done that, don’t even lie. To me it sucks because I wish that we didn’t do that. So I want to start something else. I have given up make up completely, I’m not dealing with it anymore. Even if it only does take five or more minutes that’s just five minutes wasted. I am also excited about month two clothing, I want to do something that DL or SE don’t have to do but I will. I want to cover my mirrors, I can still do my hair and everything but I am not trying to make it perfect. Half of the things that we think are wrong is just us over thinking.
This should be a fun month. This weekend I will be trying to get over this sickness.
DFTBA
-AB
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