October 2016 Wrap Up?

The books that I should have read

I have not read a book this month.

I write this with shame and sadness. I know that sounds dramatic but it’s true. I haven’t read a book this month. I knew that college was supposed to make you busy but not this busy. When I’m stressed I don’t read. College + stress = no reading. I can’t make myself focus long enough. I guess because when I’m reading I’m thinking about what I could be doing. At first it bothered me that I wasn’t reading. That is my contribution to this blog and it’s my passion. I read most of high school. That was how I dealt with life. So, I just assumed that was how I would deal with this season of my life. That’s not what happened though. I didn’t want to read anymore. That made me depressed and somewhat upset. If I’m not a reader, then who am I? 

Then I watched a video on YouTube. If you don’t know who Cass Jay Tuck is then you are missing out. She is intelligent, witty and hilarious. She talked about how reading was harder for her now. She wasn’t as passionate about it. This is what she said that got to me,

“I have always been a passionate person. It’s what drives me to grow, learn and be who I am. I can let negative feelings roll over and crush me. That’s not the kind of person I am. I am too fond of my passions. I know what it feels like to appreciate, love and want to learn more about things that I love. I refuse to believe that my passion is gone. I can’t focus on one of those passions. I have many. I need to embrace all of them.”

Preach.

My mental health hasn’t been the greatest lately. Being negative about not reading was not helping. It’s not like I haven’t been doing anything besides schoolwork. Though it may feel like it. I have been writing, traveling, exercising, praying, learning ASL etc. I can’t shove those things to side and devalue them. 

The truth is, is that I am not just a reader. Though I feel like that’s what a lot of people see when they read this blog. I am so much more than that. Just like I know that Swag and DL are more than music and movie enthusiasts. 

This is who I am…

1. Writer.

2. Reader.

3. Woman

4. Daughter.

5. Sister.

6. Christian. 

7. Nerdfigther.

8. Lover of broken people.

9. ASL enthusiast.

10. A forever country girl

11. A imperfect person.

12. Pixie cut lover

13. A beautifully complex person

That’s just the beginning. The list could go on forever.

DL asked me the other day how I had changed since high school ended. I didn’t think that I changed at all. I’m in the same town, going to a school that I went to last year and I’m doing the same things. I have changed though even if it is a small change. I have become more passionate since high school ended. I fight for what I’m passionate about because I don’t get to do it very often. I’m writing when I should be doing homework or studying. I know that’s not the best habit to start. I want and need to do it though. If I didn’t write I think I would be insane right now. That’s been my drug. It's been frustrating and wonderful all at the same time. 

I literally keep everything.

Just the month of October.

So was this month a failure? Yes and no. The whole reason I started these wrap ups was to share what I was passionate about. I'm still passionate about reading but I need to explore my other passions. I need to be okay with not reading as often. Life is busy and sometimes I would much rather lay in bed than read. Worrying about not reading is not going to help anything.

DFTBA

-AB