White Roses

Today was a beautiful day. In a lot of ways it was just another day. Got up went to church, read my book, let dogs out and made plans for the week. I felt the holy spirit so much today though.
I haven't talked about my church very often. I never wrote the Mission trip post. It's all in my journal but I'm not going to post it. There were just so many emotions and when I got home I breathed a sigh of relief. I wanted to be home so badly. Maybe I talked about this or maybe I didn't. I don't leave youth group until the end of this month. Two Sunday's ago we talked about the mission trip in front of the entire church. When we went downstairs to go to youth group I wasn't prepared. Our youth group is in the basement and it's the most special room in the church. We have this secret room where the wall is made of bricks. Ever since the beginning of the youth group seniors signed a brick before they left. The great thing about it is that it will never be broken down. Those bricks will be there as long as the church is there. It's a cornerstone. As I stared at all the names and quotes I started bawling. I couldn't believe that it was my turn. Of course I was the only one crying. My brick was right neTxt to Megan's. Megan, one of the first friends I made in youth group. It felt like everything had come full circle. Which only made me cry harder. When I left the room I felt a deep sadness. I didn't want it to be over. After youth group one of the ladies in my church hugged me and whispered in my ear,
"You're going into a new season of life."
I know that she was saying that it wasn't bad. That it was going to be okay. I didn't feel that though. I didn't think that I was ready for a new season of life. As much as change sucks though we need it. Then at church today they talked about failure and saying yes to God. The youth pastor gave the sermon. It was amazing. I could write in my notes fast enough. I couldn't underline bible verses fast enough. It felt like batteries were charging in my chest. He talked about how his dad who was a pastor passed away while in India. How it changed him and how he did things that he was not proud of. Then God uses him to do become a youth pastor. To me it was like you could feel the grace in the room. It was such a God moment and I know there is a glaze of tears over my eyes. I just thought, "It can't get better than this."
At the end of every church service they invite people to come to the front to accept Christ. As we're singing Oceans this older man walks up to the front. It makes me cry even thinking about it. They put their arms around him and I started crying again. Again what a beautiful moment. The fact that God spoke to that man and he felt the holy spirit. Even though the room was somewhat dark you could see his face light up as he walked back to his seat. God had topped it.
When I got home I started to reflect on sermon and one of the questions that the pastor started talking about saying yes to God. The quote that stuck out was, "You may feel like you have nothing but that doesn't mean you have nothing. We must be willing to start with nothing."
That's exactly what I felt that one Sunday. I felt like I had nothing to give and that I wasn't able to receive anything. I wasn't open. Then he starts talking about what we need to say yes to God about. The first thing that came to my head was about joining the ministry and the mission field. I didn't know how to say yes to God about that. All I had to say was yes though so that's what I did. I have to believe that God will work out the rest and I'll know when I know. That scared me a little but  I let it go.
I'm dog sitting for a family near my house. I always go around later in the night. As I was leaving and I walked outside I felt the holy spirit. It was starting to cool outside and the lightning bugs were flying around. Then I looked to my right and I saw a big bush of white roses. White roses are my favorite flowers.

I just stared at it for a few moments before taking a picture and walking back to my car. As I was sitting in my car I felt the holy spirit. There was just this unexplainable joy. I felt okay, I knew that everything was going to be fine. That this new season of life is not going to be bad. God has a plan and sure enough I am going to mess up. That's just being a human being. That's life and the great thing is, is that God has another plan. He has our best interest at heart.
God is so awesome. 


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