The Opposite of Nostalgia

     My hand smell like garlic and my face is covered in coconut oil. This is what happens when you spend three days in a row with AP. (Well, the coconut oil is my fault but...)
     So yesterday I spent the night at AP's house after going shopping with AP and DL (of course we had to stop at the Dollar Tree and get $1 ice cream "drumsticks" as AP calls them (they were the worst drumsticks I've ever had, but it's the experience that matters sometimes)). We had a bonfire (AP can make a mean fire. She's a pyromaniac) and cooked hot dogs for dinner and spent a solid two or three hours discussing our road trip. When AP came over on Saturday she was telling me all about her trip to California so I told her about my vacations and then I said something about how I wanted to go on a road trip sometime to a bunch of national parks and she was like "Oh my gosh, I've always wanted to go on a road trip too!" so then we got all excited and we were like "We have to go together."
Shooting star in Edsbyn, Sweden. What a beautiful night sky.:      Well, AP takes things very seriously, so we were already planning it the next day and all of a sudden I realized that I didn't think I could go on a road trip with just me and AP. Let me explain: AP is a girl who knows what she wants. And she will find a way to get it. I am a girl who also knows what she wants. And I will find a way to let you talk me out of it. I don't know, it's just as we were planning it I realized that AP and I, while we have our similarities, are very different people. We were sitting around the bonfire and AP did her standard "Okay, this may sound rude or mean, but..." and then she'd say something that was definitely rude or mean and I'd just sit there and not say anything. After one of her rather...insensitive...rants, I didn't say anything and when she asked if I was awake, I apologized and said that I'd dazed off looking at the fire. But it was then that I realized that I couldn't spend a month traveling across the country with someone whose world view is so very very different from mine. AP is a wonderful friend of mine. She really is. I love her dearly. But there are people that you love dearly, and there are people that you can spend all day in a car with. And sometimes they just don't overlap.
     I guess my point is that you have different friends for different things. I had a wonderful time sitting around the bonfire with AP, and then sleeping on her trampoline and looking up at the stars that were all blurred out because I'd taken my contacts out and didn't bring my glasses (I'm pretty sure I saw a shooting star though). I even had fun waiting with AP while she got her oil changed in her car, and then driving us to the grocery store to get dill to make pickles...and then a few hours later driving her sister to the same grocery store to buy more dill, garlic, and canning lids. It was funny, because as I was driving AP's sister (who is three years younger than us) to the grocery store, I realized that I was supposed to be "the cool older sibling's friend". I remember AP's older brother driving AP and I to the movies when we were in middle school and thinking that he was so cool and that I was so cool for riding in his car with my friend. But I am not the "sibling's cool friend" type. Luckily, AP's sister is super cool and was willing to answer my questions about who her teachers were this year (the high school starts back next Wednesday! What?!) and if she planned to get a summer job next year and we talked about driving and petty gym drama and stuff and it wasn't awkward. I guess it just kind of felt like one of those "grown up" moments, even if it wasn't. The reason my hands smell like garlic is because I spent an hour peeling garlic for the pickles that AP and her sister were canning and I couldn't get the smell off for the life of me (even after multiple hand washings and a shower) and the reason my face is covered in coconut oil is because AP and I spent a few hours in her pool and I didn't put on sunscreen because it was cloudy and I'm an idiot so I got fried like a lobster so I looked up "how to make a sunburn heal faster" and it told me to put apple cider vinegar and coconut oil on my face, and me being the idiot I am, I gave it a try.
Ferris Wheel Photograph - "End of Summer"- Fine Art Photograph 8 x 10 Metallic Vintage Feel Distressed Summer Fair Carnival Photo. $20.00, via Etsy.:      After our rather eventful day, AP and I went to the Smithsburg Carnival. I've only been to the carnival one other time, and it was with AP in middle school. I'm so glad I went, not because I had a blast or anything, but because it made me realize I'm ready to leave. Looking around and seeing all these middle and high school girls dressed in hardly any clothes, with faces full of makeup, not really doing anything, just walking around and looking pretty like it was some kind of fashion show or a zoo, made me so glad that I was getting away from all of it. The pettiness and passive aggressiveness of middle and high school girl drama is not something I will miss. Seeing girls in my graduating class walking around with their newborn children...also something I will not necessarily miss. Realizing that the entire teenage male population of Smithsburg is trying so hard to be some kind of a "yo boy"...definitely will not miss. As for the lady puking on the Pirate Ship...that's karma for me puking on the bus in Paris. The smell was enough to make you gag. And yet I had nothing but empathy for her. The ride was full of only girls and all of the other teenagers were making "Ugh, that's so disgusting" faces (even the guy operating the ride was making a "I hate my life" face) and I was just wishing I had a tissue to give her because a month ago, nice ladies on a bus in a foreign country did the same thing for me. As we were getting off the ride a woman was walking up the steps holding a tissue and I felt better that someone helped her. Also, she was with her friend, so that made it a little better. But still. Karma.
     Anyway, after two hours of riding rides that made me feel vaguely dizzy and queasy, AP asked if I was ready to leave and I tried to hide my relief that she'd changed her mind about staying until closing. Yes, I was ready to leave. And I was ready to not come back to the backyard of my old high school for a long time. No offense. I loved you dearly, SHS. The Smithsburg community was what I needed for eighteen years. And now I think I don't need it so much anymore. I think I'm ready to find a new community. Don't worry, it's not forgetting. I will always hold Smithsburg in my heart, because in many ways it has shaped me into who I am. But I am moving on. I'm not in high school anymore. And today I fully realized that I don't ever want to be in high school again. Yes, it had its perks. But it was generally not the best time of my life...the things that made it bearable weren't even things...they were people. My teachers, my friends. And they'll always be there.

Day 990 Song Recommendation: "Hold Your Tongue" by Feet for Wings.

Day 991 Song Recommendation: "The Mason" by Tossing Copper.

-SE Wagner


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