Patience Isn't My Virtue

     On paper, my day sounds like it was really fun and good, and it was: I went to church, ate breakfast at church, played cards with Melissa, Haley, Jed, and some of the youth ministers; I did laundry and visited my brother briefly and got some staples and milk at Rite Aid; I ran on the track, took a shower, and met up with Meera (the girl I met at orientation who lives like 15 minutes from my house) and her roommate for dinner, and then we all went to the bell tower and met up with Melissa, Haley, Rebecca P., Rebecca G., Jesse, Emily, Kristen, and Aubrey for the scavenger hunt. You needed at least 10 people to play and we somehow managed to scrounge up that number. The scavenger hunt was a lot of fun (we had to go all over campus and take group pictures of us visiting different places or doing different things (like hugging a stranger or playing frisbee or walking across Broad Street)) but there were so many of us and I just felt like it was hard to talk to everyone and so it always felt like someone was being left out. And also, I basically know just these people's names and their majors...I mean, some I know more than others, but I still feel like they don't know the real me and I don't know the real them. But walls like that have to be torn down with time, not all at once. It takes time. I guess I just felt very impatient today. I'm tired of being just another "nice chick". Yeah, I can be nice. I'm good at being nice. Not that hard. There are lots of nice people here. But that's not who I am. I'm weird and random and I like having deep, intellectual conversations about stuff and I also like just BSing and being stupid. But I'm scared to be that girl in front of people I don't know. I can't be that girl.  I can just be nice. And nice is exhausting. So that's my thoughts for today. I'm excited to start class tomorrow so that I can start freaking out about homework instead of making friends. That feels much more familiar. 

Day 1011 Song Recommendation: "If I Go, I'm Goin" by Gregory Alan Isakoc. 

-SE Wagner 


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