HOME SWEET HOME

     I am finally home and here to stay! For three weeks at least...but we're not going to talk about that right now. Here are some pictures from the trip (all courtesy my dad (I'll post the ones I took and some of my mom's and bro's tomorrow maybe)):

We stopped at this burger and shake place
on our way from Vegas to the Grand Canyon.
I had a bean burrito and a caramel chocolate
shake. 

First hike of the trip. We hiked a mile and a half down into
the canyon and back up, which doesn't sound so bad...if it wasn't straight up
and straight down! The view was worth it though.

This is a classic Wagner family photo. TJ looking glum
off to the side, me with my hands out in a "what are you
doing" pose, and my mom laughing at my dad's attempt
to get a "candid" photograph.

Same thing, same dress...different night.

4 mile Angel's Landing hike at Zion, TJ and I hiking up
"Walter's Wiggles", a series of 21 switchbacks. It was as
awful as it looks.

The only family photo of the trip. Good thing it turned out half-decent.

Hiking through the Narrows. I had nowhere to put my walking
staff...

     I'll be honest: I'm daunted by this post. I don't want to just give a 12-day summary of my trip because that would be soooo long and sooo boring since most of the trip just consisted of us hiking around and sweating and looking at rocks. I know that sounds epically boring, but it was great. It was the opposite of my European vacation in a lot of ways. Lots of time to just relax, take in the great outdoors, and spend time with my (immediate) family. There were no screaming eight-year-olds or language barrier mishaps, or transportation disasters, which made the whole thing much less bloggable, but so much more like a true vacation instead of an insane, exhausting adventure (I use the word "adventure" loosely). This post is probably going to end up being just a jumble of thoughts I had on the trip (taken from the Notes on my phone) as well as just random, slightly interesting tidbits.

     I was able to restrain myself from writing about my life for five whole days. And then I was sitting on the porch in Zion around 9:30 PM, listening to music and watching the sky darken while people walked past and I found myself composing a post in my head. So then I had to go inside and get my phone and start typing. Here is the result of that:

     "When I was in Florence, I mentioned that city people are so beautiful and there are so many of them. Well here in the great national parks of America there are also a lot of beautiful people, but in a different way. They're fit and tan and athletic and outdoors-y and they don't seem to sweat no matter how hot it gets. I find myself looking at these people, thinking "How can I be like them? Maybe if I start running or eat more salads or go outside every once in a while..." I was having this thought when a girl walked by wearing a shirt that said "There are so many beautiful reasons to be happy" in all-caps. This girl was only about 9 or 10 but she'd figured out something that I hadn't at the age of 18. Here I was in one of the most beautiful places in America, wallowing about how I am not the kind of girl who can toss her hair up in a ponytail and throw on athletic shorts and a tank top and look like I've emerged straight from an Adidas ad. I was bitter because I'm the kind of girl who is perpetually covered in a thin film of sweat and has a million fly-aways and baby bangs encompassing her hairdo. I'm the pale, red-faced, pit-stained chick who looks like she was made for air conditioned offices, not the great outdoors. And yeah, I'd rather be the tan, fit, backpacker chick who doesn't break a sweat even after hiking 1,000 vertical feet. I'd love to be her. But I am not. And yet there are still so many reasons for me to be happy. I should be happy because I have a perfectly good body that lets me hike 1,000 vertical feet (and yeah, I sweated doing it. Sue me for being human). I have a beautiful family that goes on vacations to cool places. I have a beautiful country full of beautiful places that have managed to escape man-made destruction. I have freedom and choice and a full stomach. I'm surrounded by mountains of stone that are millions of years old. They don't care what I look like or whether I'm "outdoors-y" (whatever the heck that is). They're just happy to be admired. And news flash, SE: you're "outdoorsy" if you go outside. You're fit if you exercise. You sweat because if you didn't you'd die. You're pale because that's the way you were born. Get over it. There are so many beautiful reasons to be happy. So just be happy!!!!

     But about my vacation. We got to Las Vegas Saturday evening and I was exhausted and it was so freaking hot even at 10 PM. Go heat your oven to 400 degrees and then stand in front of it and that's how Las Vegas in July feels. It's so hot and dry that your skin and eyeballs dry out within seconds of stepping outside. I hated Las Vegas, to be honest. There's a reason why it's called "sin city". It was ugly and gross and I couldn't wait to leave and escape to the great outdoors. The drive to the Grand Canyon took a little over four hours. On the way, we stopped at this burger and shake place that looked like a total hole in the wall but in the best possible way. The shakes were amazing and I got a delicious bean burrito (over the next few days I'd eat more black beans than I've eaten all year). 

When we got to the Grand Canyon it had started raining and had cooled off 20 degrees (from 95 to 75) within minutes. Driving up to the canyon was pretty uneventful. There were no sweeping vistas or anything. When we arrived at the cabins I was like "Wow, so cool. We're in the middle of the desert. The Grand Canyon must be another couple miles away." And then, upon closer inspection, I saw that through the cabins there were a bunch of people and they were standing...on the edge of the Grand Canyon! What?! How had we arrived so surreptitiously to one of the world's greatest landmarks? It was a pleasant surprise, to say the least."

     And then that was the end of my attempt to blog in my usual fashion. In summary: the Grand Canyon was beautiful. I mean, it's one of the seven wonders of the world (which I somehow didn't learn until we were at Bryce Canyon? I'm dense). But if I were to describe the Grand Canyon as a person she'd be this tall, slender, dark-haired, beautiful woman who you can't help but gawk at, but she doesn't even appreciate it. It's like she knows she's beautiful. She's had people telling her for years. There's nothing about her that feels like maybe you guys could have a connection. And there's also part of you that feels like you've already seen her a million times before...maybe in that magazine ad or on the side of a bus somewhere...and that somehow makes her beauty less special, having it published all over the place.
     I think I should get an A+ for that analogy.

     Random tidbit: May I say that sharing a bed with your rather tall, fully-grown brother is not fun? At all? This kid has no sense of personal space in his sleep. When we were at Zion, I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, got back in bed, couldn't fall back to sleep, and then just as I was starting to get comfortable, TJ rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his head, his right elbow resting on the head. Like, are you kidding me? No normal person actually sleeps like that! And in the middle of the bed too, I might add! And then he would accuse me of stealing the covers when I was literally shoving them on him because I didn't want them! This happened on multiple occasions. His version of the story: "I woke up to you VIOLENTLY ripping the covers off of me, so I took them back!" My version of the story (the true version): "I woke up to YOU violently ripping the covers off of ME, so I kicked them at you because I didn't even WANT them!!"

     Other random tidbit: We were riding in the car on our way back to the lodge in Zion after we'd gotten lunch in town and I was sweating despite the air conditioning and couldn't figure out why and kept whining about it and then I looked down and saw that both of my seat heaters were on. The following ensued: "YOU BUTTHOLE!!! HE TURNED MY SEAT HEATERS ON!!!" (TJ: smiling like he's so proud of himself) Parents (laughing): "That would make you hot." Gah. I get no sympathy around here.

     Last random tidbit about how awful TJ is: So we're driving to Bryce Canyon and I'm eating my leftover chips from lunch and TJ keeps taking chips and snickering and I'm just like "I don't care if you eat my chips" but he's still acting like he's doing the most hilarious thing in the whole world by pretending to eat my chips, so I just ignore him. Then we stop at a gas station and TJ and I are just talking and I've abandoned the chips for the meantime and then we're on the road again and I attempt to eat a chip but it misses my mouth (LOL) so I pick it up and there's this white stuff inside and my first thought is that for some reason there's cream cheese in my chip and then, like a ton of bricks, it hits me: TJ put his chewed gum in my chip. And I almost ate it. Meanwhile TJ is going "NOOOO!!! Why do you have to be such a clutz?!!?!?!?! It was so close!! It was almost in your mouth!!!" And after my initial moment of shocked, appalled rage, I start laughing. Hysterically. And then TJ starts laughing hysterically. And we're both crying and I'm holding the gum chip in my hand and my parents are just shaking their heads wondering how they gave birth to such strange creatures.

The infamous chip.

     Next Notes blurb! This one written on one of the long car rides, when I was probably listening to my iPod and feeling sentimental or philosophical or something.

     "I spent a lot of the summer away from home, and so did my friends. They went all over the world: Indiana, Canada, India, Chincoteague, Montana, Atlanta, Cape May, Deep Creek, New York, Philadelphia, California...We all went out, we saw the world, and we came back. In a few short weeks, that's what we will be doing again, just for a longer period of time. And even if we're staying home, home will feel different. It won't be easy; but in the end, it will be worth it. Because we'll grow and learn and when we come "home", wherever that may be or whatever that may look or feel like, we'll be better people; more gracious, more grateful, and more connected to the places and people that have shaped us these last 18 years. "

     This list I made after spending an hour and a half lying in bed at Bryce Canyon, my mind spinning in a million different directions, refusing to let me sleep.

"Things I Think About at 3AM

• Whether I would be a good high school English teacher or if maybe I should teach middle school or elementary school instead because teenagers are brutal and awful and mean and I don't know if I can handle it. 
• Old elementary school friends and if I should try to reconcile with them and maybe ask them what their college plans are. 
• Cutting my hair and what my dad's parents would think if I came to Thanksgiving looking "like a boy". ("The city's changed her" they'd say). 
• The origins of "Swag" and AB and how God works in weird ways by putting us in the same freshman FOT class. (We still have to go on that yellow punch buggy road trip). 
• My roommate and what it'll be like to meet her. 
• College, college, college."

     Anyway, so after the Grand Canyon we drove to Zion which was my favorite of the three national parks we visited. It reminded me of Yosemite, which is my favorite national park of the ones I've been too. Instead of being at the top of the canyon looking down, Zion National Park is at the bottom of a canyon so you have to look up at everything and it makes you feel small and insignificant, which may sound like an unpleasant feeling, but I liked it. There were also lots of little rivers running through the canyon, and as much as I love the desert I love water even more so that was cool. My favorite part of Zion was hiking through the Narrows, which was a part of the canyon with a river running through it so we rented water shoes and hiked a mile up to the river and then another mile and a half or so through the river. There were so many people, as it was one of the hottest days of the week (high of 106 degrees) but as we kept walking the people thinned out and it was stunning. The water felt amazing and even when it got up almost to my waist I didn't mind because it was so hot out. It was the only hike I didn't sweat doing. I didn't take any pictures though because I didn't want to risk tripping and dropping my phone in the river. Here is a Google image stock photo though:

     After Zion we drove to Bryce Canyon National Park, which was, again, beautiful, but I think by then part of me was getting jaded by the grandness of all this towering red rock and part of me wanted to be back home, in the humid, muggy east coast air hanging out with friends. But I pushed it aside for the most part and enjoyed the last few days of hiking and taking pictures and having family dinners because all too often I spend too much time wishing I'm somewhere I'm not. When I was in Europe there were times I was craving being out west with my family; when I was out west with my family there were times I wished I was back home with my friends. Don't worry: there's no moral to this story. It is what it is.

     And with that, here's another Notes blurb I wrote when I was feeling sorry for myself towards the end of the trip:

     "The thing is, when you're away for a long time and you come back there's a part of you that expects everyone and everything to have paused while you were away and that when you return, things will start up just as they had, as if no time had passed. But the truth is that your friends have jobs and they work a lot or they're on vacation or have family things or other obligations. I guess I had this idea that being away for so long this summer kept me from having all this time with my friends but I'm not so sure that I would've had that much time even if I'd stayed home."

     I think I've said it before on the blog, but I always feel like I do a whole year's worth of aging within the span of the summer. I don't have any obligations or homework or classes to stress out about and I have ample free time so I spend it all just thinking and sleeping and walking around and driving and somehow this ages me. This summer I think the lesson I've learned is that when time is limited you use it more wisely, and it somehow ends up feeling more infinite. At the end of the summer, I'll have had only about forty days home, but each of those days I feel has been spent well, especially the time I spent with friends. I haven't seen some of my friends since June but because I knew that back in June, I made sure to make everything seem more significant in my head so I've held onto those good times and thought about them and it's made the missing not so bad. Texting helps too, don't get me wrong. But so has the limited-ness of it all. It's made me realize that this is sort of what college will be like, only for longer periods of time. If being away for twelve days felt like a month, I can't imagine what three months will feel like. It'll be hell at times, I'm sure. But we'll all find ways to make it better. That's what the "FOR HOMESICK COLLEGE SARAH" note in my phone is for. That's what my family and my friends are for. That's what homework and stress is for (always good for taking the mind off things, ha). And in the end, it really isn't the end of the world. It isn't the end of anything. It sure feels like it. And for those of us who like to overanalyze everything and think about everything for too long and too deeply and obsess over things that aren't even happening yet..well, it can seem a bit melodramatic at times.  But we will truly survive. It'll be good, it'll be fun, and sure, it'll probably change us. One summer has changed me a little bit, I think. And you know what? I think I'm okay with it. I think I'm okay with not always being okay. (I'm getting so far off topic here. This is what happens when you're sitting in the dark of your room listening to background music and writing at 12:30 AM after going to bed at 3:30 AM the night before). Why can't I end this post? And why is this post not even about my vacation anymore?? Actually, very little of this post has been about my vacation. 

     Okay last random note from my phone:

"Mon 7/25--3 mile hike

Tues 7/26--rim trail hike 6 miles

Wed 7/27--arrived in Zion

Thurs 7/28--Angels Landing hike 4 miles, Oscars

Friday 7/29--John and dad went golfing, slept in, got breakfast with mom, emerald pools hike 3 miles, the Narrows, excessive heat warning 106 degrees, lava cake

Sat 7/30--drove to Bryce

Sun 7/31--6 mile, 1500 foot Peek-a-Boo hike 

In Zion we had a little porch off of our hotel room and you could get inside by walking off the path, up to the porch, and climbing over the rail. I took every opportunity to do this because it made me feel stealthy and cool. Two things I rarely feel..."

     And that is that. I'm trying to think what we did on Mon 8/1 but I'm blanking...I think we hiked four miles. And I died on the uphill and TJ left me in the dust and then felt bad when I was mad at him and offered to piggy back me a couple yards. I turned it down. Silly me. OH THE MOUSE! (I literally just made an "OOOOO" with my mouth. I need to go to sleep.) So on the night of the "what I think about at 3AM" list, I kept hearing this rustling noise throughout the cabin and thought it was a squirrel or a chipmunk (they were everywhere) but was too tired to really worry about it (my mind started spinning crazy ideas, like that there was an ax murderer lying in wait under my parents' bed) and I eventually fell asleep, only to be awoken at 6AM by the sound of a much louder rustling and I looked over and saw that my dad was also awake and in my head I was like "Oh thank goodness. He'll take care of the ax murderer (/squirrel/chipmunk)." My dad looked over at me and had that look like "Okay, you hear that too. What is it?" Then he got up and turned on the light and I made a "Ugh light hurts my eyes" sound and then my eyes focused on the trash can, where the bag of jalapeno chips was rustling mysteriously on its own while a little creature crunched around inside frantically (it was probably getting its eyeballs burned out by the jalapenos). My dad poised over the bag for a moment, then reached forward, snatching it up and sealing the mouse (not an ax murderer or chipmunk or squirrel) in the bag and taking it outside to let it free. It was one crazy night. That whole morning I kept making comments about how "The mouse probably touched that" (like the open KitKat bar or the gummy worms (Mom: "Mice do not want your gummy worms. You're fine")) and when I told my brother that the mouse probably touched his pillow he replied "It probably licked your eyeballs." And that was the end of that.

Quote of the Day: "I wanna live/Where each hand you're dealt/is enough so you never feel/like you wanna bluff/And every road that you drive/gives you the crashes/that keep you alive"- "Paradise" by Slow Club.

     Huge thank you to AB and DL (and Noob) for keeping the song recs going! They were great! (Yes, I listened to them all. Even Sex and Candy). The following is for archiving purposes. Please ignore as it has no real relevance since they've all already been recommended for your listening pleasure.

Day 973 Song Recommendation: "Hands" by Multiple Artists

Day 974 Song Recommendation: "Lean on Me" by J2

Day 975 Song Recommendation: "Back 2 U" by Steve Aoki & Boehm

Day 976 Song Recommendation: "I Want to Live" by Skillet

Day 977 Song Recommendation: "Insecure" by Shane

Day 978 Song Recommendation: "Your Heart's a Mess" by Gotye

Day 979 Song Recommendation: "My Hometown" by Bruce Springsteen

Day 980 Song Recommendation: "Can't Give It Up" by Southlen ft. Brooke Ashley

Day 981 Song Recommendation: "The Emotion" by BORNS

Day 982 Song Recommendation: "We Let Em Go" by Dan Dakota

Day 983 Song Recommendation: "Tongue Tied July" (Cathleen Remix) by Michael Brun & Roy English

Day 984 Song Recommendation: "Carter & Cash" by Tor Miller. 

Day 985 Song Recommendation: "She Used to Be Mine" by Sara Bareilles. 

Day 986 Song Recommendation:  "Sex and Candy" by Marcy Playground (Papa Skunk Remix)

     If I missed any, please tell me!

Day 987 Song Recommendation: "Home" by Johnnyswim. Thanks to SR for the song rec.

-SE Wagner