I Give Up

Dear this week, you win. You absolutely win. I am done. To be honest I don't want to talk about what happened today. Talking about it doesn't make it any better. Let's just say it was another day filled with tears and frustration. The animals are alive but I am hanging on by a thread. The day always starts out great and then goes down hill.

The beginning of the day:

The middle of the day:

Is this week over yet?

After Posting:

I will admit for most of the day I was in a bad mood. I sat on the couch in the dirty living room and sulked. I started texting people and I needed to be alone. Hence not going home. When I'm in a bad mood my mind is so far gone. I remember at graduation practice I thought I lost my keys. I was so mad and disappointed in myself. I knew I was going to have to text my mom to bring me another key and then deal with the wrath of it all later. Fiona was trying to calm me down and I wouldn't even listen to her. In case you were wondering my keys were in my bag the entire time. I never lost them. I won't go into the gory details of what happened today. I struggle with putting things in perspective. When something bad happens I feel like it's the end of the world. After bawling for a few minutes I got on Facebook and saw that my youth leader had sent me a song to listen to. It was an old country hymn. The singer wasn't very good but the lyrics really spoke to me. 

Just As I Am

Just as I am, without one plea

But that Thy blood was shed for me

And that Thou bid'st me come to Thee

O Lamb of God, I come! I come

Just as I am, though tossed about

With many a conflict, many a doubt

Fighting and fears within without

O Lamb of God, I come, I come

Just as I am, and waiting not

to rid my soul of one dark blot

to thee whose blood can cleanse each spot

O Lamb of God, I come, I come

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind

Sight, riches, healing of the mind

Yea, all I need, in Thee to find

O Lamb of God, I come, I come!

Just as I am, Thou wilt receive

Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve

Because Thy promise I believe

O Lamb of God, I come, I come

Because Thy promise I believe

O Lamb of God, I come, I come

Of course when I heard this song I ignored it. I was completely stubborn. I ignored a huge God moment. God's always there and he understands. He understands my frustrations and my anger and he wants me to feel those emotions. Eventually though I have to let it go. I have to remember that he has a plan. That I don't have to do anything special to be good enough for him. He wants me just as I am. Just because things didn't go my way doesn't mean that it is the end of the world. 

DFTBA

-AB