Moments of Peace

     I wish I could detail every single moment of every day here but by the time I get a chance to write it's almost midnight. So I'm just going to try to write about the things that stick out in my head. 

     We ate lunch with a friend of my aunt's and I ordered a salad thinking that it would be small and light as I wasn't very hungry but it was huge and I could hardly eat it because I was so miserable. I kept shoving tiny forkfuls in my mouth because it was expensive (everything here is ridiculously expensive) but there was this absolutely awful feeling in my stomach. All I can think to compare it to is feeling like you're about to puke because you're so scared. I tried to force myself to finish it but only made a small dent and explained it off as the jet lag affecting my appetite but promised my aunt that it was delicious. 

     Then we headed to the Louvre. The Mona Lisa was astoundingly disappointing. First of all, it's very small. Second of all, I never really loved it in the first place so seeing "the real thing" wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be. Plus there was this massive swarm of people in front of it taking pictures. But if you look across the room on the other side of the Mona Lisa, there's a larger-than-life painting of some historic event...don't know what but it was pretty cool. So I took a picture of that. And of the swarms of people. Honestly, my favorite part of the Louvre was the ceilings. They're incredibly ornate to the point where you're like "Who what whyyy would anyone take the time to do that???" The crazy thing is that the Louvre used to be a palace. Someone lived there!!! In that million-room CASTLE. I cannot imagine. 

     My aunt got a call when we were walking around the Louvre and I thought for a second that it could've been my mom and just the thought that it was my mom on the other end sent me into a panic because I knew that if I heard her voice I would start bawling right there in the middle of this palace of a museum. For the next thirty minutes I walked around biting my lip and staring absently at exhibits trying not to cry. I know that I sound like such a baby. But you have to understand that I was with a child who sits on glass boxes in gift stores and breaks them even though his mother told him to get off, yells at his mother for yelling at him (and gets away with it), screams and sings loudly in public, laughs every time he sees a naked statue and points out its "weiner", nearly knocks over tables in restaurants because he keeps putting his knees up on them, 

and runs ahead of us and almost gets hit by fast-moving bicycles. You can understand why all I could think was "I have made a mistake. I can't do this. Please put me on the next plane home." 

     But then something changed, as seems to happen in life. JP and I were walking around outside the Louvre taking pictures while my aunt paid for our late-afternoon snack (where the table incident happened) and figuring out plans for what we were going to do next. JP was actually acting his age and we not running away and we could actually hold a conversation and when someone came up to us asking if we wanted to buy an Eiffel Tower statue I said "Non, merci" and that was it! A successful French encounter. 

     Then my aunt came back and we walked from the Louvre to the Ferris wheel and JP held my hand most of the time and we talked about Shel Silverstein poems. I wish that I could say that that was it: that there was not a single incident after that and that we all lived happily ever after. But that's not how this story goes. JP was good...for a little while. 

     We were able to walk from the Ferris wheel to the famous lock bridge where you take a "love lock", write your and your "lover"'s name on it, lock it in the bridge, and toss the key into the Seine. My aunt had brought locks so JP and I each locked away a wish on it. I would tell you mine except that if I do, it won't come true. 

     Then we headed to the Musée d' Orsay. I think in some ways I actually liked it better than the Louvre. Probably because I was liking everything more in general after that moment with JP where I saw how things could be and that they could be good. I brought along the game Blink and taught JP how to play and it's been a lifesaver. He's getting good though so I have to step up my game. We played that in the cafeteria in the Musée d'Orsay which used to be an old train station. We saw some famous Monet and Van Gogh paintings so that was cool. 

     The whole reason why we went to that museum in the first place was because JP had rubbed his hand along a guard rail that ran along the street and got car exhaust grease all over his hand so we needed to get to a bathroom to wash it off. But it ended up being a nice detour. Then we walked home and had dinner at the apartment. Hey I was able to write home without quotations!! Small steps. And I only cried a wee little bit today!! I'm getting better. I think. 

Quote of the Day: 

JP: "Are you married?"

Me: "Yes."

JP: "Really?!"

Me: "Do you think I'm married?"

DL (quoting from Eilis from Brooklyn): "You'll feel so homesick that you'll want to die, and there's nothing you can do about it apart from endure it. But you will, and it won't kill you... and one day the sun will come out and you'll realize that this is where your life is."

I don't have a song recommendation today...I'll bring you two tomorrow. It's 1AM here.