Shopping Sucks
This morning I woke up and made the decision that I was going to go to both churches. I didn't really do anything yesterday. Okay, I did nothing yesterday. Then I started feeling like crap and then started having nosebleeds. I get nosebleeds when my blood pressure is high and when my iron is low. My anxiety has been everywhere and I have no idea why. I haven't been sleeping well and I wake up in the middle of the night, sweating. I don't know what it is. Then when I started having nosebleeds I was done. I didn't want to go anywhere, I just wanted to lay in bed and watch Netflix. Some days are good to do that but I don't want to be that way all summer. I got back in bed and shortly after my mom and started looking through my closet. She then explained to me that I have no summer clothes. She's completely right. I don't even have a pair of shorts, my shirts are long sleeved and I have one pair of capri's. She then told me that I needed to go shopping.
Here's a fun fact about me.
I hate shopping.
Okay let me rephrase that. I hate shopping for myself. I could shop with my friends forever. I would love picking out clothes for them. For myself though? I'd rather watch paint dry. It always ends with me tearing up in the dressing room because everything looks awful because it was all made for a stick. I feel like as women we can't win in a battle with the clothing industry. I feel like most clothes fit weird because they weren't made for normal everyday women. I've always been kind of bitter towards smaller women because I felt like they had it easier in the store. To be honest though they have insecurities and problems as well. I'm not the only person in the world who hates shopping for clothes.
Have I gotten better? Yes. It is so hard for me to look in the mirror and see myself as forty something pounds lighter. I have clothes in my closet that I refuse to give up. I know how easily it would be to gain all that weight back. One of my biggest fears is waking up one day and being bigger again. It's hard. I went to the store today and picked up clothes sizes that were to big. It was a great confidence booster. Then I decided that I would try on bathing suits. No AB just no. I don't love my bathing suit, it was one of those last minute buys. Something that was needed for the summer. DL loves it way more than I do and I think she should have it. I shouldn't keep something that I don't love and avoid wearing. So I walked over to the bathing suit section which was degrading in itself. It's all picked over even though I doubt anyone is swimming right now. We just got to 90 degrees this week. I looked hard though and kept looking. I found some and then went back to the dressing room to put them on. They all looked terrible. I'm not exaggerating. By that point to keep myself from crying I sent snaps to Fiona. Because I am a basic white girl. For some reason it made me feel better for Fiona to tell me about her own insecurities. It got me through the whole experience. I did find some clothes and I would like to say that I have shorts now. I would say that today was an accomplishment. Now I don't have to do this again until next year. I'm serious I only shop about three times a year. I'm not joking. I get a bunch of things and then just wait till I absolutely need clothes.
This whole day reminded me of an episode of The Middle when Sue goes shopping with Frankie to find a bathing suit. The whole time Sue complains about her body and then finally Frankie just breaks.
I couldn't have said it better.
DFTBA
-AB
Here's a fun fact about me.
I hate shopping.
Okay let me rephrase that. I hate shopping for myself. I could shop with my friends forever. I would love picking out clothes for them. For myself though? I'd rather watch paint dry. It always ends with me tearing up in the dressing room because everything looks awful because it was all made for a stick. I feel like as women we can't win in a battle with the clothing industry. I feel like most clothes fit weird because they weren't made for normal everyday women. I've always been kind of bitter towards smaller women because I felt like they had it easier in the store. To be honest though they have insecurities and problems as well. I'm not the only person in the world who hates shopping for clothes.
Have I gotten better? Yes. It is so hard for me to look in the mirror and see myself as forty something pounds lighter. I have clothes in my closet that I refuse to give up. I know how easily it would be to gain all that weight back. One of my biggest fears is waking up one day and being bigger again. It's hard. I went to the store today and picked up clothes sizes that were to big. It was a great confidence booster. Then I decided that I would try on bathing suits. No AB just no. I don't love my bathing suit, it was one of those last minute buys. Something that was needed for the summer. DL loves it way more than I do and I think she should have it. I shouldn't keep something that I don't love and avoid wearing. So I walked over to the bathing suit section which was degrading in itself. It's all picked over even though I doubt anyone is swimming right now. We just got to 90 degrees this week. I looked hard though and kept looking. I found some and then went back to the dressing room to put them on. They all looked terrible. I'm not exaggerating. By that point to keep myself from crying I sent snaps to Fiona. Because I am a basic white girl. For some reason it made me feel better for Fiona to tell me about her own insecurities. It got me through the whole experience. I did find some clothes and I would like to say that I have shorts now. I would say that today was an accomplishment. Now I don't have to do this again until next year. I'm serious I only shop about three times a year. I'm not joking. I get a bunch of things and then just wait till I absolutely need clothes.
This whole day reminded me of an episode of The Middle when Sue goes shopping with Frankie to find a bathing suit. The whole time Sue complains about her body and then finally Frankie just breaks.
I couldn't have said it better.
DFTBA
-AB
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