I'm Growing Up/Bethel Bonfire 2015

This weekend has been kind of an weird weekend. It was my last Church Bonfire which of course was bittersweet. It was bitter because I looked around at all the people in the youth group and realized that it was completely different than when I came in. I didn't really find a place for me to fit. It's sweet because I know that it's going to be a good youth group for the years to come. That people in the youth group were getting along and making new friends. It was beautiful chaos. That night we had to get out of our comfort zones in a big way. Blair, my youth leader usually does this. Melissa warned me a little before hand. They put blindfolds on us and we had been paired up with someone we didn't really know and had to hold their hand. With our other hand we put it on the shoulder in front of us and basically we went on a journey and the other adults were guiding us. Of course we were completely blind. About halfway through I was thinking along the lines of 'screw this'. I was not in the mood. It didn't take much to guess what the lesson was really about. I also had somewhat of an anxiety attack when I lost the guy in front of me. I put my hand out, trying to find his shoulder but I couldn't. We were in tight quarters, I heard cars passing by and I didn't understand why I couldn't find him. I had just stopped. I guess the younger kids were depending on me because it got a lot louder and were asking me where we were. As if I wasn't just as confused as they were. None of us could actually see. After a lot of frustration we got back. I ripped the blindfold off and sat down. I had never been so happy to actually see. Blair must have seen my frustration because he thanked me for going a long with it. After that we shortly went to bed. We were exhausted to say the least. My friend Zoe and I were sleeping on lawn chairs. Yes it was uncomfortable but it was way more comfortable than sleeping on a wooden barn floor. When we woke up and ate breakfast we walked the path that we had last night and it actually was far. We had gone near the road, we went in a little house, walked in cow poop, went over a bridge etc. Before we left Blair pulled me aside and told me that the younger kids looked up to me. I almost laughed because why would they? I'm not an incredible athelete, super smart or in anyway popular. Then I remembered when I came in the youth group and looked up to the high schoolers. It was intimidating at first and I wanted to impress them. It's crazy how it comes full circle.

We managed to take one picture.

On Sunday I basically did nothing until DL came over to help me fill out my application for Word Of Life Bible Institute. The application was easy but then when they ask you a lot of questions it started to get intimidating. You feel like you have to brag about yourself. I asked my youth leader to give a reference and she asked me what I wanted to do with my life.

The million dollar question.

Deciding that I wanted to go to the institute was hard enough and figuring out what I wanted to with my life is even harder. I've said it before and i'll say it many times. I don't know what God's plan for my life is and i'm just going where I think he wants me to go.

Then I also realized that I was doing this by myself. I'm at that point in my life where any act of independence is amazing to me. I had to make my own dentist appointment once and I couldn't believe it. Applying to a bible institute is mind blowing right now.

So I guess I'm scared and excited and I can't wait to see how it turns out.

DFTBA

-AB

If you've ever listened to the christian radio you've probably heard the song 'Oceans' the song throughout the year has meant more and more to me. It talks about trusting God and letting him guide us to do his work even though we might fail and mess up.