'My Plan'

I think 2015 might go down in the books as one of the worst years ever. For me personally. High school is kind of somewhat lonely because of not seeing any of my friends anymore. I came home the second day and after changing into sweatpants and watching some TV I just started crying. I felt ridiculous because I'm sure that some students would love to come home early and watch TV. I wanted to be having lunch with my friends and not with the show "The Middle".  I think the question of the year for me is 'why me?' Earlier this year when I was at youth group I was asking the question of whether I should quit my job or not. I was completely lost about it and I didn't feel God giving me an answer. I went through the what if's and couldn't come down to a decision.
So God made a decision for me.
As I said we had an armed robbery and that shook us all up. You don't really even know what to do in that situation so we tried to avoid it and just talk about different stuff. We don't even want to walk to our cars by ourselves anymore. All to find out that our store had been sold to another owner.
It's a really long story.
Basically I had to quit my job.
Once again I don't know why God is doing this but at the same time I asked him a question and he gave me an answer. I came home once again and cried because it's like 'what do I do now?' My job was a comfort zone. It was somewhat easy, I was getting paid and I mostly liked the people I worked with.
2015 has been a year of wrecking my comfort zones. I was comfortable with eating whatever I wanted and then I found out my health was down the toilet, I was comfortable with going to college and having a normal life and now i'm not, I was comfortable with not being comfortable with public speaking and now i'm in a public speaking class, I was comfortable with my job and now it's gone.
We constantly ask the question of "Why does God let bad things happen?" I think if we had the answer to that it wouldn't satisfy us. Having the answer won't take away our trials and tribulations. It wouldn't take away the suffering. Also when I've ever struggled I always at least once imagined God sitting on this big throne not feeling or acknowledging the pain that I was going through. Then I get angry and frustrated because does he realize what he's doing? God goes through the pain with us though. He understands that right now what i'm feeling sucks and that I don't know what the hell i'm going to do. I nor anybody else can get through a trial on our own. In bad times we normally depend on something or someone because that's natural. But people are people and things are things and eventually they normally let us down at least once. God doesn't though, he cries with us and holds us up even when we think that we are doing that alone. He always turns up and is there for us and eventually terrible situations somehow turns into opportunities. I don't know what God has in store for me. It's hard right now and it might even get worse but these situations can only make me grow as person and a Christian.
I'm slowly but surely finding out that my plan isn't always his plan.


Popular Posts