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| I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff, and I can't decide if that's a good or a bad feeling. |
Sometimes I don't write because I have nothing to talk about. Sometimes I don't write because I have so much to talk about that it's nearly impossible for me to process all my thoughts so I end up just waiting for them to pass without ever writing them down. Right now I'm in the second state. There are a million topics I want to talk about! Drama club, summer plans, the seniors graduating, the upcoming Orchestra concert, next year's Disney World trip, all the TV and movies I'm so desperately trying to catch up on, controversial topics that I've discussed recently. It's all just buzzing around up there trying to smoosh it's way out but I don't know how to organize it into coherent thoughts!!! Plus, I have so much to do I shouldn't even be sitting at my computer writing this right now! Insane Lit project looming at my shoulders, a super duper messy room to clean and tons of laundry to fold, TV and movies I'm so desperately trying to catch up on!!!! I'm in a state of panic, but for once it's kind of a happy panic. It's the panic that always ensues right at the end of the school year, when it seems like I can't get anything done at home because I'm trying to figure out how to maximize the happiness of the last few days of school. And this year especially, because for the first time I can remember, it's some of my actual friends graduating. And I could really just burst into tears at any moment, I'm a flood of emotion right now because I'm so unbelievably exhausted from this year, and unfathomably relieved that it's about to end, and dismally sad that I'll be saying goodbye to some really great friends, and so ridiculously frightened and anxious about being a senior and then going off to college myself! And maybe some of these emotions are PMS, but most of them are real, I swear. I just don't know what to do with myself! All I want to do is sleep and swim and read and hang with friends and eat corn on the cob but I also want to plow through my last year of school and do new exciting assignments and act in the drama club and have a job! It's all so crazy, it's like the future is dawning on me all at once. And part of me is ready, but most of me is screaming to go back to being like twelve when nothing really mattered. THIS IS A WEIRD TIME IN MY LIFE. Maybe soon I'll be able to write a genuine blog post. But for now all you're getting is strange ranting.
-VaughnDL
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