Quarantine Diaries

Pre-Corona

March 22nd, 2020

The coronavirus pandemic of 2020 has finally hit our little corner of the world. A lot has changed in two weeks, and I'm sure a lot of changes are yet to come. I don't know anyone personally who has had the virus but given a few more weeks, that's sure to change. For now, I've been thinking about how just a month ago, I was on spring break with my family in Colorado and the coronavirus was just a whisper on the wind at that point. Luckily, because the virus hadn't hit the U.S. that hard yet, we were able to enjoy a lovely week of skiing, snowshoeing, hiking, reading, and relaxing in Crested Butte, Colorado (which is currently completely shut down (skiing included) because of the virus). That week feels like years ago even though we just got back 2 weeks ago.

After the virus hit, I spent a turbulent, uncertain week back in Philadelphia, attending classes and wondering when in-person classes would be called off. Wednesday night, we got the news that campus would be shut down for the rest of the semester. Classes would all be conducted online and if at all possible, all students were to return home. I spent the next two and a half days finishing up in-person classes, having last hangouts with friends, saying goodbye to classmates and Dream kids, and packing. When I had packed up my stuff to head back to Philly after spring break just a week before, I had packed extra summer dresses, anticipating Easter, warm weather, and graduation. Most of these went right back into the suitcase as I packed up my books, laptop, clothes, and shoes into a giant bin, a suitcase, and my backpack to take back to Maryland. Packing up and leaving the apartment I'd lived in the last two years to go back home for two months was not how I imagined ending my senior year of college, to say the least. I knew as I packed up at that I likely wouldn't be back until May at the earliest, and possibly not until June or July. I knew I wouldn't be having an official graduation, and I wasn't sure when I'd see my friends again. While a lot of my friends will still be at Temple next year with me (as I complete my masters), others are heading off to grad school and med school, internships and the rest of their lives. I was glad that I was able to get together with all of my closest friends and say goodbye before leaving, but it was definitely not how I would have wanted it.

Covid-19 hits...no TP, no hand sanitizer,
no wipes, and no bananas. Packing up,
saying bye to my room, and driving home.

All of the goodbyes were tinged with uncertainty, anxiety, and talk of covid-19 instead of full of joy and hope and excitement for the future. As I packed up, it was hard not to feel overwhelmed. I had no idea what online classes would be like, and I was pissed that I was missing what was meant to be the highlight of college: the end. I knew home would be fine and that I'd get to see all my friends who live there still, since they would be returning too. But I couldn't help but feel sad and bitter as I sat among my things at 10 pm Friday night. I fished into the Snapple bottle of handwritten notes that DL had given to me before going off to college three and a half years ago. On the plain lined paper, the lyrics to a Simon & Garfunkle song were written: "When you're weary, feeling small / When tears are in your eyes, I'll / dry them all / I'm on your side, oh, when times / get rough / And friends just can't be found / Like a bridge over troubled water / I will lay me down. -"Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon + Garfunkel" I let myself be sad for that night, and the next day I enjoyed my last day in Philly before heading back home.

Figuring out how to enjoy quarantined life

The first week back home felt like one of the longest weeks of my life. Maryland and Pennsylvania both announced that all non-essential businesses would be closing for two weeks, which meant restaurants, bars, gyms, and some retail stores. People were urged to stay home and only go out in public when necessary. Of course, we can still go outside for walks, etc. and restaurants are still open for delivery and carry out, but life just felt weird and slow. I discovered that I hate online classes and my professors were annoying the crap out of me, emailing me every day with new syllabus updates and assignments as they figured out how they wanted to teach us from here on out. I had to figure out how to use Zoom and spent so many hours glued to my screen, doing work or talking to people. Even though it was nice to be able to socialize with people through video chat, it doesn't give you the same sense of connectedness as face-to-face communication does. I spent most of the week inside and wore the same pair of ugly grey sweatpants 3 out of the first 5 days I was home. Everyone kept suggesting that I read or write or take a walk or jog or do something creative blah blah blah but none of those things felt fun. I was still bitter about being home instead of in Philly and was mourning the loss of the idealistic end to my college career. I wanted to just stay in my room and be miserable and complain about everything.

By the end of the week, the weather started to get warmer and I got outside more. I even saw friends in person for the first time in a week and that made me feel infinitely better. I realized that I'm lucky to still have a community here and I don't need to be a hermit for two months. I realized that getting outside for an extended period of time every single day is the only thing that will keep me sane, and I need to talk to (via video chat or phone call) or see a friend every day to maintain my mental/emotional sanity as well. Even though I'm an introvert, I'm very much a social creature. I loved going into the middle school I observed at every week and hanging out with 7th and 8th graders. I loved seeing my Dream kids 3 times a week and my church friends 3 times a week as well. I loved talking to people in my climbing class, going to the rock wall, eating out at food trucks, hanging out with friends, walking back and forth to class, and coming home to the quiet of my apartment. Here, none of that exists. And it sucks. But there are good things too. Spring has arrived, and as much as I love Philly, it's not the prettiest city. Spring doesn't look as good there as it does here. I'm loving walking around my town and noticing all the different trees and flowers in bloom and stopping to take pictures when I can. I have infinitely more free time now that I'm doing nothing but schoolwork and working for 6 hours a week via Zoom. I even finished a book this week and started a new one. I'm finally catching up in my journal, and sleeping a minimum of 8 hours every night. Gas is cheap as heck right now ($1.95 in some places near me!) and I have a car so I can go wherever (as long as it's not a restaurant, bar, gym, or non-essential retail store...) This could be worse. It could be the middle of the winter and we could all be trapped inside. I could've been studying abroad when this happened and had to rush home, cutting off the experience of a lifetime. I could live somewhere much more impacted by the virus. Right now, in spite of everything, life is actually pretty good.

-SE Wagner