2020 Spring Update (in quarantine & late)

 "We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided."

― Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

I debated even posting this. First of all it's technically summer (or feels like it). Second of all I wouldn't have been able to write this the same way I wrote the first one. I guess it's because nothing turned out the way that I thought it would. Yes, I have graduated and I'm back at home but there was never really an end. Because of COVID-19 everything has been completely different. My school shut down in the middle of spring break and my internship had been cancelled a week earlier. I remember trying to pack to go home for spring break, ready for a break. We had been told to take all the essentials home because the school didn't know if we were coming back. At the time I was getting ready to start a new journal and I was so excited because this was the last journal that I would write during college. I had so many ideas about what it was going to look like and what the pages would be filled with. I imagined passages about seeing movies, shopping, going to the beach, drinking tea at the bookshop. Obviously I wasn't able to do any of that. The day before I left college I wrote down some things I wanted to put in the first entry. Then I thought about what would be my biggest fears in general and what they would be for the next season or phase of life. This is what I wrote...

Little did I know that would be exactly what would happen. Change happened dramatically and now I have to start over. Spring break was not what I imagined it would be. We were all quarantined in Florida, first school was closed and then graduation was cancelled. We also didn't know if we were potentially sick with COVID-19 since the cases were going up. I was anxious everyday that one of us was going to get sick. Thankfully, we didn't. Mom and I left a few days before we were originally supposed to because we wanted to be home. We drove fifteen hours in one day because we didn't feel safe staying at a hotel. After that we were stuck at home until I had to move out of my dorm. Mom and I packed everything up and I did my best not to cry. Part of me was glad to go home. I would have a kitchen, my own bedroom and I would be in my house. The other part of me was sad that I didn't get to live those 'memories' that I wanted to write in my journal. I will go back to Salisbury to see my friends, to go to the beach and the bookstore that I loved. I can't do that right now though. 

People are constantly asking what I'm going to do. I don't know though. I don't know what the next step is or where I go from here. I'm trying not to worry about it but I am. I should be grateful for the amount of choices that I have but I'm daunted by it. I think about it almost everyday. This means that my anxiety has risen and I have ways of coping with it. One of the things that I am most grateful for is writing. I wrote an entire journal in three weeks which I think has only happened one other time. I've also been writing letters to people which I love. The act of writing forces me to slow down and makes my irrational thoughts rational. I love it and in a way I'm falling in love with writing again and it's one of the best things. I really believe that I am going to look back on these 'quarantine journals' with more fondness then some other journals. I was comparing these journals to some of the other journals I wrote in 2016-2017 and some of 2018 (the dark years) and I really do feel that I've grown as a person and that feels so good. My relationships are more healthy and stable which is always good. I'm better at regulating my emotions and I'm generally more excited about the future (even if I am still scared).

The only thing that I've been reading is Harry Potter which has also been good for me. I've also been reading the books to Leah, who has never read the books and knows nothing about Harry Potter. I'm going to try to read more especially with not being able to go anywhere. I also have a ton of library books to read that I've had for months. The only 'shameful' thing that I've done is I bought Sims 4. I never got to play Sims growing up because my parents thought it was inappropriate. (They were right). It's so much fun to play now though. It's such a mind numbing game which is helpful sometimes. It's really fun to come up with random stories and then bring them to life. 

I've been able to stay more in contact with people which is strange to say. I thought that I would talk to people less during quarantine but in reality I'm talking to them more. I think there is a general understanding that we'll be in a worse/bad mood if we don't communicate so everyone seems to be making more of an effort. Hopefully that is something we'll continue to do when were able to get out of quarantine. 

The last thing I want to give an update on is the baby...I was right. It's a girl and we're all so excited to meet her in September. So I guess my record in still in tact. We also found out that my cousin is having a baby and I correctly guessed that it was a boy. I've already started taking my role of being an aunt very seriously...

See you after summer is over

DFTBA

-AB