Rachel

I don't know what to say.

I woke up this morning, making the decision, to do as much as possible. I was doing homework when one of my friends called me. We were talking about life and what was happening and then we got quiet. We were both scrolling through social media when I saw the post. I found out that Rachel Held Evans had passed away at 37. I don't think I've ever really talked about Rachel. I know I wrote about one of her books that I had read a few years ago. Rachel had written a book called, "Searching for Sunday". I think I read it in 2015. I would read this book during slow periods at work. The book is essentially about struggling with the idea of church, especially in the midst of conservative evangelism. She talked about leaving her church and trying to find a new one. She had dedicated a lot of the book to LGBT Christians. At the time I was deeply in the closet and still not comfortable with the idea of the LGBT community. It seems ridiculous now to even type that. I was so shocked by the news that I just stopped. I ended the conversation with my friend, I closed my laptop and I cried. I cried because it didn't make sense. Why did this have to happen to Rachel? I wish I could say that I have an answer but I don't. It doesn't make sense to me and I don't think it ever will.

Rachel was the first Christian author I read with that much guts. The majority of her audience was conservative Christians and she made a line in the sand. I'm sure she lost a lot of her following but she gained respect from so many more. She was the first Christian author (that I read) that took a stance when it came to my community. Rachel didn't just stop with her book. She was a fierce ally for the LGBT community and spent her life fighting for human rights. I never got to meet her but she was clearly a woman with a beautiful soul. Rachel set a standard and I don't know if she ever understood how huge that was. By having the courage to speak her truth, others felt safe to do the same. Rachel made me feel safe, understood and loved. She made me believe that there is hope in terms of the church. I still hold onto that hope.

Thank you, Rachel.

Welcome home.

DFTBA

-AB