Thoughts Before & After Reading: Turtles All The Way Down, John Green

Sixteen-year-old Aza never intended to pursue the mystery of fugitive billionaire Russell Pickett, but there’s a hundred-thousand-dollar reward at stake and her Best and Most Fearless Friend, Daisy, is eager to investigate. So together, they navigate the short distance and broad divides that separate them from Russell Pickett’s son, Davis.

Aza is trying. She is trying to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good student, and maybe even a good detective, while also living within the ever-tightening spiral of her own thoughts. 

Before Reading...

To say that I was excited to receive this book is an understatement. I honestly didn't think that John Green would write another book or at least one that was published. I thought he would become a Peter Van Houten. So when I found out that he was writing one I cried because I couldn't believe that I was getting to read another John Green book. Then I pre-ordered it because I wanted a signed copy and because I could barely believe that this was happening.

The book finally came out today and I was waiting impatiently for it to arrive all day. I was talking to Sid when my phone told me that my book was waiting for me in the mailbox. I walked to the mailbox as Sid tried to explain to me a theory he had about Facebook profile pictures. I would like to say that I changed out of my pajamas but I didn't. I got the book, walked back to my room and opened it with Sid. I would like to say that he enjoyed the moment as much as I did because I don't think that's possible. I tried not to scream. I didn't realize that Sid had no idea who John Green was.

"Do you know who John Green is?"

"Doesn't he make videos or something?"

"He wrote The Fault in our Stars."

My favorite book.

"Oh."

This turned into a sarcastic fight about how Sid never reads the blog which annoyed him to no end.
He's going to read The Fault in our Stars.

I'm going to go into this book with no expectations. I have 'accepted' the fact that nothing will be better than The Fault in our Stars. I'm going to pretend that is the most average book written by the most average writer whose work I have never read before. I'm going to completely ignore the fact that this book deals with anxiety, a mental illness that I struggle with and the fact that John Green is genius writer and could write about a difficult topic like this.

After Reading...

Thank you John Green, thank you.

I don't read many books on mental illness and I guess it's because I'm afraid to. I'm afraid that they won't do the topic justice or that by the end of the book the person will be magically healed and live a normal life. John Green gets it though. John understands what it's like to have crippling anxiety, spiraling thoughts and still attempt to live a normal and meaningful life. He understands what it's like to want people to understand and people who want to understand but can't. There were so many times in this book where I had to put the book down, cry and wonder if John Green has been reading my journals. Here's an example...

"I can't escape myself. Can't kiss anyone, can't drive a car, can't function in the actual sensate populated world. How could I fantasize about going to some school far away where you pay a fortune to live in dorms full of stranger, with communal bathrooms and cafeterias and no private spaces to be crazy in? I'd be stuck here for college, if I could ever get my thinking straightened enough to attend. I'd live in my house with mom, and then afterward, too. I could never become a functioning grown-up like this; it was inconceivable that I'd ever have a career. In job interviews they asked me, what's your greatest weakness? and I'd explain that I'll probably spend a good portion of the work day terrorized by thoughts I'm forced to think, possessed by a nameless and formless demon, so if that's going to be an issue, you might not want to hire me."

How did he do that? How did he put it so perfectly? God, what I would do to write sentences like that.

Other than the fact that this book perfectly explained mental illness it's still the typical John Green book. I went into this book expecting it to be nothing like the Fault in our Stars and it wasn't. At the same time this book gave me the same feelings that The Fault in our Stars gave me. I feel in love with Aza the same way I fell in love with Hazel, I loved the writing style, the characters and the plot. This book sucked me in and I didn't want to leave. I had to pick this book up knowing that I had a while to read it. I can't specifically describe the feeling it gave me but it was wonderful. John Green has a way of making you feel like your feelings and thoughts are valid. He discusses love, friendship, hurt in a fresh way, as if these are new feelings. That a simple person and simple life is a beautiful thing and that we should treasure the beautiful things that we have and carry.

I will gladly wait another six years for his next book.

DFTBA
-AB