Lies We Tell Ourselves

It's been a rough day.

This week has been a rough week.

It's been a rough month...Let's be real. 

I was sitting at the computer today thinking about the day before. On Monday I was sitting at the computer, ugly crying. I was crying because of a class I was struggling with and a friend who was helping me that I felt like I was bothering and the fact that I was tired. In moments like this I tend to go off on myself because I'm the closest person and I can tell myself whatever I want. 

Then I watched a video of Rachel Hollis talking about the lies she tells herself regularly. It seemed like a such a cool and confronting idea that I had to do it myself. I plugged in my typewriter, sat on the floor of my bedroom and started to type. These sentences just started flowing and it was the strangest thing. I've never done anything like this, surprisingly. I tell myself these sentences all the time and I never even noticed it until I wrote it down. 

I wrote thirty lies I tell myself regularly and I could have kept going. I looked at these unforgiving thoughts and tried to think of counterarguments to them. I'm not going to share all thirty of them because no one wants to read that many. Here's some of the most frequent ones though...

1. "I am not good enough."

I don't tell myself this exactly but it's normally some variation. This is the hardest one for me to get over because it is so simple to believe. It doesn't have specific reasons and it's easy to rationalize on the side of this comment. A way for me to counteract this comment is by saying the exact opposite.

2. "I am a failure as a Christian."

This is a tough one.

There is no such thing as a 'perfect Christian'

Jesus disagrees and he's always right.

God disagrees and God is always right.

Going to church doesn't mean you win at Christianity.

Other Christians do not define or control your faith. 

Other Christians do not get to tell you all the things you're doing 'wrong'. 

Love Jesus more than an organized religion.

3. "God does not love me because I am gay."

No, no, no.

God made you that way.

God makes no mistakes.

You're not an abomination to God.

Christians (especially Evangelicals) do not get to tell you how much God loves you.

God's love and grace is not conditional.

4. "I will not be fulfilled until I am in a relationship."

As a gay woman I feel the need to be in a healthy/beautiful relationship on a daily basis. I feel the need to prove to people that the LGBT community does have healthy/meaningful relationships. I feel the need to be in a relationship so that I feel better about myself which is not healthy. I am okay being single because there is nothing wrong with that. Being a relationship with someone you believe is right for you and not because you want to be in one or feel the need to do so.

5. "If I was beautiful I would love myself more."

I have heard so many stories about people who become the perfect weight or have the plastic surgery and they still do not love themselves. Loving yourself is not easy in a world that tells you you're never good enough. Loving yourself is hard and rebellious but it is necessary. There is nothing wrong with you. 

6. "So and so could handle this so much better than I am."

This is degrading.

It does not help you in any way.

You're going through this for a reason.

You're stronger than you give yourself credit for.

7. "I will not live a normal life because of my mental illness."

You're living a normal/beautiful life right now.

Give yourself grace and patience.

No one does this perfectly.

8.  "I will not be a good mom or wife/girlfriend because of my mental illness."

No mom is perfect.

No wife/girlfriend is perfect.

Will you love your kids unconditionally and try? Yes.

Will you work on your relationship and become better? Yes. 

Will it get hard? Yes, heck yes.

Will it work out? Yes.

9. "My accomplishments are not that significant."

Do you realize what you've been through in the past? Don't devalue that. 

You've accomplished so much in every area of your life. 

You will and can accomplish more in the future.

10. "I do not make an impact in the lives of others."

This cuts deep. 

I am the type of person that wants to fix everything and it crushes me when I can't. When I can't fix everything. When I can't fix everything I feel as if I failed them. At the same time I do not expect my friends to fix all my problems. When I'm going through something I just want them to be with me and encourage me.

Making this wasn't easy. It's not easy or fun to acknowledge the fact that I am hard on myself. It's also hard to face the fact that I will probably say one of these things tomorrow. I need to ask myself, "Would I say this to someone else?" No. It's sad that it is hard to be kind to ourselves. Our lives are better when we're nicer to ourselves. I know that this is something everyone struggles with and I encourage everyone to do this. To sit down on the floor, write down your lies and make tell yourself the truth. 

This is my philosophy...

Did you wake up? 

Did you get out of bed?

Did you get dressed?

Did you leave the house?

If you did any of those things you are doing fine.

Be kinder to yourself.

Give yourself the grace you give to other people.

Don't believe your lies.

DFTBA

-AB