LGBT Questions
This is something that I've wanted to do for a while and finally made the time time to do. I asked my friends if they had any questions about the LGBTQ+ community and these are the questions they gave me...
What is your response to people who view being gay as a "choice"?
I've had to re-write this over and over again.
This is something that makes my blood boil
I am a huge believer that everyone is complex and unique. So to think that all these people 'made a choice' to be gay, trans, bisexual etc. is a little hard for me to swallow. It also hurts me that I once believed this to and maybe that was a way for me to shove down who I was. I hate that I conveyed this idea to my friends and the world. When I first came out to myself I believed that if I prayed and read the bible enough I could change too. This is absolute garbage and it's what almost killed my faith and made me scared to feel almost anything. This ideology is what makes LGBT people marry someone they're not attracted to, have a family and then tear that family apart because their mom or dad has been lying to themselves. This ideology has brought people to commit suicide because they believed they couldn't change and their was no way out. This ideology made conversion therapy which is one of the most degrading, humiliating and psychologically damaging experiences a person could have. Stop treating it like it's a black and white situation.
What about LGBTQ+ people who view it as a "choice"?
My heart goes out to you.
This was never a choice, this is who you are. God loves you for you and God made you who you are. You're not meant to marry someone you aren't attracted to or live a life a chastity or be in fear of who you are. Your community is always here for you if and when you decide to come to home.
What is your relationship with the bible? Is it still a relevant source today?
This is such a good question.
I do read the bible and I do believe that it is a relevant source. The hard thing about the bible is that it has been around for a long time. The problem with that is the fact that it was probably mistranslated in the thousands of years that it's been around. I am not a bible literalist, obviously. Most people don't take the bible literally, they choose parts they want to believe. The bible is pro-slavery, it talks about stoning people to death and not eating shellfish. When I read the bible I remind myself that I am not educated in each story of the bible and I can take things out of context. I also remind myself of the overall message of the bible. Jesus said the greatest law of all is to love your neighbor and that's what I try to follow. Do I have questions? Yes, of course. Do I trust God more? Yes.
What are your thoughts of the "Nashville Statement"?
If you want to read it, here it is: The Articles
If you don't know what it is, it is a Anti-LGBTQ+ statement written and signed by evangelicals. I have read the whole thing and it was painful. In short it says that they will give my community 'love' but not acceptance. It condemns homosexuality and 'transgenderism'.
This goes hand in hand with the first question. It's things like this that made me doubt that God ever loved me or could ever love me. It's articles like this that tell people they are not wanted unless they are like everyone else. It pushes transgender, nonbinary people etc. to eventually commit suicide because they feel that they will never change and can't be who they are. It's what makes families kick their kids out of the house, sends them to conversion therapy and misses out on most of their children's life because there is such a divide. It's what makes people afraid to be who they are and afraid to fall in love.
It broke my heart to see all the signatures of people who signed it. This isn't what Christ would have done. Not back in biblical times, not ever. Jesus doesn't give the LGBTQ+ community "half-love" or follow the "love the sinner, hate the sin" mentality. Jesus will once again have to break through the noise and pain to remind people that they are loved equally and that they are not a mistake.
What about the Transgender Military Ban?
It's transphobia disguised as a money concern. The U.S. military spends more money on Viagra then they do on their trans service men and women. I think it's pretty obvious what my stance on this is. If you are able and want to serve, then you should serve. It shouldn't matter what you look like, believe in or what sexuality and sexual orientation is. These men and women served and are serving there country in all branches of the military. They deserve the right to be their authentic selves.
How inclusive do you feel the LGBT community is?
We need to be more inclusive.
I may be gay but I still have white privilege. We, as a community need to acknowledge the struggles that LGBT people of color go through. The way we do that is through letting them share their stories and the injustices that happen to them. We can't ignore them because "we all have experienced discrimination."
What are some struggles you've encountered being an LGBT Christian?
It's definitely tested my faith in God and it's shown me how hurtful the church can be. I've talked about leaving my church and I've been trying to find a new one. It is so hard to go to a church, fully emerse yourself in it and then wonder if they will accept you in the end. It's like putting on a performance and hoping that they like you enough.
Also having to deal with Christians who claim to know all the answers to everything. The people who will gladly use the bible against gay people but ignore the fact that the bible was pro-slavery. The Christians who believe and claim that the LGBT community is full of perverts and pedophiles. The Christians that made me believe that being gay can be nothing but scandalous and wrong. The Christians who choose to "love the sinner but hate the sin" instead of loving their neighbor. The list goes on and on.
What advice do you have for other LGBT Christians?
1. Accept who you are and be confident in that, this takes time.
2. People will not like you, this is okay.
3. Leave the church if you need to.
4. Don't let anyone dictate who you are.
5. Take time to figure out who you are and what you like.
6. If you're not ready to come out, don't.
7. This pain in your stomach will go away at some point.
8. Read stories of the LGBT community to help you realize how far we've come.
9. Being LGBT doesn't mean you have to drop everything you believed about being a Christian. Being LGBT just means changing some of the things you believe.
10. Take time to unfollow all the conservative/republican people you followed on social media when you were in denial of who you are.
Are there any parts of your life that are harder since you came out? Any parts of life that are easier?
It's hard for me because I'm not completely out. I struggle with wondering whether I should tell people or let people figure it out on their own time. There's no perfect way to do this and I'm figuring it out as I go. I think it's harder for others which make it harder for me. Sometimes coming out is harder for the other person than it is for me. It's hard for people because they think it makes me a different person. I think it's made my life somewhat easier because it takes a weight off. The people I care about the most know and that makes this easier.
What's the most annoying assumption people make about you or the LGBT community as a whole?
That we are different from straight/cisgender people. It's like people can't wrap their head around that we want the same things that they want. We just have to fight for the rights that they have always had. We're honestly just like you. We have jobs, we can now get married (in most countries) and have children (in most countries), we want to grow old with our spouses, see different countries and live a normal life. The only difference is that we like the same gender, like both genders or do not agree with the gender we were born with. It's more complex than that but you get the point.
Is being gay something you think about a lot, or not really? It just kind of...is?
This is a good question.
Yes and no. There are moments where I'm kind of taken back that I'm gay. Most of the time I don't think about it unless I watch the news or see something homophobic. It is mind boggling to me that my sexual orientation is illegal in some countries and that there are people in the world who would kill me for just being me.
Favorite LGBT movie?
Unfortunately, I have not found an LGBT movie that I love. All of them feel like they have the same premise and end tragically. I just want a lesbian rom-com, where no lesbians die, is that to much to ask for?
I have seen Moonlight recently which was very beautiful but also sad. It's one of the rare movies that show African American LGBT people. Just grab your tissues.
Favorite LGBT Show
Favorite LGBT book?
Just one?
1. Georgia Peaches and other Forbidden Fruit
2. Carry on *These are both really cute and almost like rom-coms
3. Sing You Home
4. Of Fire and Stars
5. Ask The Passengers
Favorite LGBT song?
This was probably the first LGBT song that I ever listened to and it was so special for me.
This song was a huge reason why I came out to my mom. It's a sad song but it has a heartwarming ending.
This is not a LGBT song but it is a song that you can interpret yourself. When I first heard this song I could not stop listening to it. I kept connecting it to my former church and it was such an amazing thing.
I am convinced that Mulan was either not completely straight or cisgender. Regardless, this song can be empowering or reassuring.
What is your response to people who view being gay as a "choice"?
I've had to re-write this over and over again.
This is something that makes my blood boil
I am a huge believer that everyone is complex and unique. So to think that all these people 'made a choice' to be gay, trans, bisexual etc. is a little hard for me to swallow. It also hurts me that I once believed this to and maybe that was a way for me to shove down who I was. I hate that I conveyed this idea to my friends and the world. When I first came out to myself I believed that if I prayed and read the bible enough I could change too. This is absolute garbage and it's what almost killed my faith and made me scared to feel almost anything. This ideology is what makes LGBT people marry someone they're not attracted to, have a family and then tear that family apart because their mom or dad has been lying to themselves. This ideology has brought people to commit suicide because they believed they couldn't change and their was no way out. This ideology made conversion therapy which is one of the most degrading, humiliating and psychologically damaging experiences a person could have. Stop treating it like it's a black and white situation.
What about LGBTQ+ people who view it as a "choice"?
My heart goes out to you.
This was never a choice, this is who you are. God loves you for you and God made you who you are. You're not meant to marry someone you aren't attracted to or live a life a chastity or be in fear of who you are. Your community is always here for you if and when you decide to come to home.
What is your relationship with the bible? Is it still a relevant source today?
This is such a good question.
I do read the bible and I do believe that it is a relevant source. The hard thing about the bible is that it has been around for a long time. The problem with that is the fact that it was probably mistranslated in the thousands of years that it's been around. I am not a bible literalist, obviously. Most people don't take the bible literally, they choose parts they want to believe. The bible is pro-slavery, it talks about stoning people to death and not eating shellfish. When I read the bible I remind myself that I am not educated in each story of the bible and I can take things out of context. I also remind myself of the overall message of the bible. Jesus said the greatest law of all is to love your neighbor and that's what I try to follow. Do I have questions? Yes, of course. Do I trust God more? Yes.
What are your thoughts of the "Nashville Statement"?
If you want to read it, here it is: The Articles
If you don't know what it is, it is a Anti-LGBTQ+ statement written and signed by evangelicals. I have read the whole thing and it was painful. In short it says that they will give my community 'love' but not acceptance. It condemns homosexuality and 'transgenderism'.
This goes hand in hand with the first question. It's things like this that made me doubt that God ever loved me or could ever love me. It's articles like this that tell people they are not wanted unless they are like everyone else. It pushes transgender, nonbinary people etc. to eventually commit suicide because they feel that they will never change and can't be who they are. It's what makes families kick their kids out of the house, sends them to conversion therapy and misses out on most of their children's life because there is such a divide. It's what makes people afraid to be who they are and afraid to fall in love.
It broke my heart to see all the signatures of people who signed it. This isn't what Christ would have done. Not back in biblical times, not ever. Jesus doesn't give the LGBTQ+ community "half-love" or follow the "love the sinner, hate the sin" mentality. Jesus will once again have to break through the noise and pain to remind people that they are loved equally and that they are not a mistake.
What about the Transgender Military Ban?
It's transphobia disguised as a money concern. The U.S. military spends more money on Viagra then they do on their trans service men and women. I think it's pretty obvious what my stance on this is. If you are able and want to serve, then you should serve. It shouldn't matter what you look like, believe in or what sexuality and sexual orientation is. These men and women served and are serving there country in all branches of the military. They deserve the right to be their authentic selves.
How inclusive do you feel the LGBT community is?
We need to be more inclusive.
I may be gay but I still have white privilege. We, as a community need to acknowledge the struggles that LGBT people of color go through. The way we do that is through letting them share their stories and the injustices that happen to them. We can't ignore them because "we all have experienced discrimination."
What are some struggles you've encountered being an LGBT Christian?
It's definitely tested my faith in God and it's shown me how hurtful the church can be. I've talked about leaving my church and I've been trying to find a new one. It is so hard to go to a church, fully emerse yourself in it and then wonder if they will accept you in the end. It's like putting on a performance and hoping that they like you enough.
Also having to deal with Christians who claim to know all the answers to everything. The people who will gladly use the bible against gay people but ignore the fact that the bible was pro-slavery. The Christians who believe and claim that the LGBT community is full of perverts and pedophiles. The Christians that made me believe that being gay can be nothing but scandalous and wrong. The Christians who choose to "love the sinner but hate the sin" instead of loving their neighbor. The list goes on and on.
What advice do you have for other LGBT Christians?
1. Accept who you are and be confident in that, this takes time.
2. People will not like you, this is okay.
3. Leave the church if you need to.
4. Don't let anyone dictate who you are.
5. Take time to figure out who you are and what you like.
6. If you're not ready to come out, don't.
7. This pain in your stomach will go away at some point.
8. Read stories of the LGBT community to help you realize how far we've come.
9. Being LGBT doesn't mean you have to drop everything you believed about being a Christian. Being LGBT just means changing some of the things you believe.
10. Take time to unfollow all the conservative/republican people you followed on social media when you were in denial of who you are.
Are there any parts of your life that are harder since you came out? Any parts of life that are easier?
It's hard for me because I'm not completely out. I struggle with wondering whether I should tell people or let people figure it out on their own time. There's no perfect way to do this and I'm figuring it out as I go. I think it's harder for others which make it harder for me. Sometimes coming out is harder for the other person than it is for me. It's hard for people because they think it makes me a different person. I think it's made my life somewhat easier because it takes a weight off. The people I care about the most know and that makes this easier.
What's the most annoying assumption people make about you or the LGBT community as a whole?
That we are different from straight/cisgender people. It's like people can't wrap their head around that we want the same things that they want. We just have to fight for the rights that they have always had. We're honestly just like you. We have jobs, we can now get married (in most countries) and have children (in most countries), we want to grow old with our spouses, see different countries and live a normal life. The only difference is that we like the same gender, like both genders or do not agree with the gender we were born with. It's more complex than that but you get the point.
Is being gay something you think about a lot, or not really? It just kind of...is?
This is a good question.
Yes and no. There are moments where I'm kind of taken back that I'm gay. Most of the time I don't think about it unless I watch the news or see something homophobic. It is mind boggling to me that my sexual orientation is illegal in some countries and that there are people in the world who would kill me for just being me.
Favorite LGBT movie?
Unfortunately, I have not found an LGBT movie that I love. All of them feel like they have the same premise and end tragically. I just want a lesbian rom-com, where no lesbians die, is that to much to ask for?
I have seen Moonlight recently which was very beautiful but also sad. It's one of the rare movies that show African American LGBT people. Just grab your tissues.
Favorite LGBT Show
Okay, this isn't technically an "LGBT show" but it was pretty iconic and progressive for it's time. Friends aired in the late 90s to the early 2000s. It wasn't exactly the greatest time for the LGBT community. I just wish that Carol and Susan could have been on the show more.
Favorite LGBT book?
Just one?
1. Georgia Peaches and other Forbidden Fruit
2. Carry on *These are both really cute and almost like rom-coms
3. Sing You Home
4. Of Fire and Stars
5. Ask The Passengers
Favorite LGBT song?
This was probably the first LGBT song that I ever listened to and it was so special for me.
And I can’t change, even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
And I can’t change, even if I tried
Even if I wanted to
My love, my love, my love, my love
She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm
This song was a huge reason why I came out to my mom. It's a sad song but it has a heartwarming ending.
My daddy’s dying, but he's finally realized I’m not lying
We sit in silence but we’re smiling
Because for once, we are not fighting
He’d say, "There was no way of knowing
'cause all I was taught
Is men only love women, but now I’m not sure
My son, keep kissing boys in the street
My son, keep kissing boys in the street
When I’m gone, keep kissing boys in the street"
This is not a LGBT song but it is a song that you can interpret yourself. When I first heard this song I could not stop listening to it. I kept connecting it to my former church and it was such an amazing thing.
I hope you're somewhere prayin', prayin'
I hope your soul is changin', changin'
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin'
I am convinced that Mulan was either not completely straight or cisgender. Regardless, this song can be empowering or reassuring.
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight, back at me
Why is my reflection someone I don't know
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am
Though I've tried
When will my reflection show who I am inside
DFTBA
-AB
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