To The Lake

Every year, for as long as I can remember, we have gone to the lake. There are pictures of my brother and I when we were younger swimming and looking ridiculous. In the beginning, it was fun, then as i grew older something changed. I began to become annoyed by the fact that we went to the same place every year. I hated being the youngest/awkward/ cousin in the family. I hated the fact that the we didn't have wifi and that there wasn't much to do.
This past year, there has been a change. I began to long to go to the lake. I don't mean that I kind of wanted to go to the lake. I mean I would have done anything to go to the stupid lake. Sometimes I cried at the thought of going to the lake. (I wish I was kidding). I wanted to sit on that old dock and watch the sunset, I wanted to sleep in a uncomfortable bed, I wanted to not have wifi and smell the fresh air, I wanted to read until one in the morning.
I am happy to say that I am finally back at this beautiful place. On the way here, I began to cry. The air was more than beautiful. At home it was rainy and here it was cool and sunny. I was texting Abi and I could not stop talking to her about the trees. I wouldn't stop talking about how beautiful the trees were.
Coming to the lake has begun to feel like I am coming home. This week has been stressful with school and other things. I honestly didn't know if I was going to be able to come and then I saw this quote.

“Chase's eyes still glistened while a tiny smile emerged like a hesitant rainbow. This might be his best look. And it is my favorite moment in life. When you realize, "Wow, this is bad. Really, really bad. But we're still here. We're gonna make it through. Not over or under or around, but through. And look, we're even going to smile again.” 

― Glennon Doyle Melton, Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed

This quote made me stop right where I was. I realized by not letting myself come to this beautiful place that I love, I was punishing myself. My challenges and tribulations would not go away by staying at home. Heck, they might even make them worse. Life is hard and therefore things that happen in life are hard. 

School-hard

Relationships-hard

Faith-hard

Complicated shit that can't be explained that can't be explained in one sentence-Really hard

Smiling in the midst of pain is hard but also necessary. Just because you're going through a hard time doesn't mean that you have to punish yourself. I can't solve and fix everything in one night. I am one person, one woman. Going through a hard time doesn't mean that you're not good enough or that you're doing something wrong. It just means that you are a human being who is actually living a life. That is not something to punish yourself for, that is something to be celebrated. 

So I have come to the lake and so far I am truly glad. Some of my problems have followed me here and that is okay. 

We can do hard things.

I can do hard things.

DFTBA

-AB