Goodbye Senior Year

We’re done with high school.

I can’t believe it. I know that it is such a cliché thing to say that it feels just like yesterday we were starting high school. I remember the day before the first day freshman year. My brother and I went to the high school so that he could show me around. (I still got lost the first day of school. I’m hopeless.) Then when I got home I was on Twitter and this is what someone tweeted.

“I can’t wait to see (enter town name) in my rearview mirror.”

Of course I retweeted it. Now I don’t know if I’m ready to say goodbye to everyone. Everyone is so quick to criticize their town. Of course growing up in a small town there are clicks, gossip, not that much to do. I can’t ignore the fact that we have a lot of great people where we live.

Yesterday morning I woke up not wanting to get out of bed. I didn’t understand why we still had to go to school when our grades were already entered.  Plus I am sick and have been all week. I guess it’s better than being sick on graduation. Anyway I went to school and walked up that stupid hill one more time. When I got to AP Lang Mrs. Matheny and I started talking. She was saying how she was sad that all of us were leaving. Then I told her that I wasn’t that sad. Honestly I felt bad for not feeling sad. I am an overly emotional person, the person who cries over commercials and I wasn’t sad. She nodded and told me that it was okay to want to move on. I guess she’s right but still. I thought I would cry somewhere throughout the school day.  I didn’t though. Even at the ice cream social. I got to see some people that I haven’t seen in a while. The greatest part though was that we got to take one last Ravenclaw family picture. I dug around and found the first Ravenclaw family picture. It was bittersweet but I didn’t cry. 

Then when I got home I baked a pie for my mom’s birthday. Of course it was the hardest pies of all the pies. Apple. At the same time you can’t say to your mother, “Sorry it’s the hardest pie to make. I’m not going to do it.” It was hideous but apparently it tasted good. At the same time she is my mom and could have just said that to make me feel better about spending two hours on a pie. Oh well I’ll just hope she was serious.

Then before Swag’s party DL and I went to write the prayer for the Baccalaureate ceremony. I’m pretty proud of it. When I first volunteered to do it I was nervous but honestly it’ll be fine. Afterwards I picked up Fiona and we headed to the party. This is where I was sure that I was going to get emotional. I didn’t though. I watched everyone play volleyball which is beyond entertaining. I tried to take pictures and videos but it was on Sid’s phone so he probably deleted them knowing him. Then it started to rain so we went back inside and ate dinner. 

Overall it was a good night. I kept waiting for that moment when I would cry but it didn’t came. I think we were all trying to avoid our feelings. Though it’s hard to avoid your feelings when your friends are playing the guitar and singing. That was the moment that I knew I was going to miss all of this. My friends, Swag’s house, everyone being so close etc. 

Then when we were leaving that’s when the crying started. Fiona and I were going out to the car and Claire made the mistake of telling Fiona goodbye. Then she started bawling and then I started bawling. Basically we cried the whole way home. We talked about how we were going to miss everyone and how they were all going to be far away and it was going to be harder to see each other. I’m surprised that I didn’t drive off the road.

On the way home I thought the entire time. In the beginning I thought that all the change that was meant to happen would happen would happen right now but really it’s been happening slowly throughout the entire year. Every day was an inch closer to this. This terrible, ugly, sad feeling. I don’t know what’s going to happen and that’s what I hate. I hate the uncertainty of all of this. I don’t know if we’ll all stay in touch, I don’t know if this blog will survive, I don’t really know anything about my future and that’s scary. So to deal with this problem I went on BookOutlet and went crazy. At least the books are super cheap.

The year as a whole has been beyond emotional. It just felt like we were running out of time every day. At the same time we were all busy with school. That's the worst part about senior year is school. At least we have summer.

DFTBA

-AB