Everything Has Its Purpose

     Lately there's been a lot of drama in my life/the lives of people around me and I couldn't figure out why for a while. I'm not the kind of person that lives a very dramatic life or gets caught up in trivialities and neither are my friends. But then I realized that we're just using the drama as a shield against the cold, hard truth which is that in a month, we'll be leaving this all behind. Drama is relatively easy to worry about in comparison to AP exams and finals and grades and graduation and college and moving on. I think to some extent, we're purposefully creating and obsessing over all these things we'll never care about a month from now so that we don't have to face the fact that we're in over our heads with anxiety and stress and uncertainty. I know that for me, it's a lot easier to use my two hours of chem as a rant/therapy session than to face the fact that I have a B that hasn't wavered in weeks or that I have no idea what the heck I'm doing. Drama is positively lovely in comparison to "real problems". But the REAL truth is that even my B and the AP exam are also just trivialities. The one thing that I've been saying over and over these past few weeks, when everyone is stressing out about school and exams, is that we're going to have four (or five or six) more years of tests and homework and cramming but we only have 27 more days of high school, 27 more days of sameness and togetherness and when I think about it that way, I just can't bring myself to care that I have an 86 or that AP exams are in two weeks. I guess in some ways I'm grateful for the silly things we worry about because it keeps us from worrying about the bigger things and the bigger things that we worry about keep us from getting too nostalgic and our friends that we worry with keep us from wishing it all away. And everything is kumbaya.

But Ego's way is so much easier.

Day 3: I got the most compliments on today's outfit, which I never would have worn to school because the only time I'd worn the dress was around Christmas time to church and my granddad's birthday party so I just associated it with Christmas and dinner parties and thought it was too "fancy" for school. But MF dressed it down just right and any time anyone said anything about my outfit I wanted to be like "It's MF! She did it! I didn't dress myself! I'm bad at that!" Haha. But yeah, good day for FRW. Except that the dress wasn't very comfortable, especially to sit in, and by the time I got home I was ready for shorts and a t-shirt. Thank you DL for letting me wear pants tomorrow. 

Day 879 Song Recommendation: "Ways to Go" Grouplove.

-SE Wagner