Give Me a Sign/Good Vibrations

     I've been feeling vaguely tearful all day long due to the fact that this weekend is a huge factor in determining what the next four (or five) years of my life will be like. I guess I just realized how scared I was that I wouldn't like Temple and then I would be up a creek without a paddle, as they say. Or SOL as they say in other parts. I kept replaying in my head all of the possible negative outcomes of my visit and it just felt like I was kind of falling apart because I had no control over it and as a self-professed control freak, this was rather panic-inducing. I couldn't focus on any of my classes and in Latin my heart started like pumping really hard and I could just feel it go ka thump ka thump ka thump while I was trying to listen to the story of Pandora's box and so then I naturally started thinking about what would happen if I keeled over and had a heart attack right there in the middle of Latin class. But then my heart went back to being a normal heart so that was nice. Then I had 15 minutes of Lang before I was free to go. I drove home and finished packing up my stuff and then we hit the road.

On the way there I asked my parents about the house they went to see today in Brunswick and they said it's really nice and affordable and close to both of their jobs and I'm happy that they've found a place they really like but equally terrified because it's like my life as I know it is being yanked up from its roots and chopped into pieces and thrown in the fire. It's exciting; of course it's exciting. But it's also terrifying. How can it not be? It's like the part of me that I still am is at home, in my house, going to my high school, hanging out with my friends. And the part of me that I will be is packing up her bedroom and moving 45 minutes away and going to college in a huge city and meeting new people and sometimes the girl that I still am has to be the girl that I will be before I'm ready for her to be that girl. That made little to no sense and I apologize for that. 

     Anyway, sometimes when I'm freaking out about something I start looking for signs of whether it will go  well or not. On the drive to Philadelphia, I made a mental list of signs and they were all good.

     Sign #1: As soon as we entered PA there was a giant sign that said "Welcome to Pennsylvania: State of Independence". And that's exactly what I'm doing, right? Finding my independence? Becoming my own person? Independence is scary as all get-out but it's a necessary part of growing up.

     Sign #2: Whenever I see a Subaru Forrester (my car), I always look to see who's driving it. It's a weird thing. Anyway, I saw a Subaru Forrester on the highway and looked inside to see a girl my age driving, gripping the steering wheel with both hands, looking vaguely tearful and scared and I was like "That's me!" Haha. Somehow I took this as a good sign, I don't know why.

     Sign #3: We passed under a street named Cherry Lane and Temple's colors are cherry and white.

     Sign #4: I saw an old lady driving a car with a license plate that said "Gudda". Like the cheese. And I like Gudda. Except, as it turns out, the cheese is spelled Gouda and Gudda Gudda is the name of a rapper. :)

     Sign #5: As soon as we turned off of the highway and entered the city, my mom locked the car doors.

:)

     The last one was sarcasm, obviously, but it's not really a bad sign...my mom locks the car doors in downtown Hagerstown too...

     Anyway, we checked in at the hotel and then picked my bro up and went to dinner at this little Korean place and it was super good. Once we started walking around Philly, I felt completely comfortable, even though everything was new and loud and foreign. It was weird but I felt like myself and I felt happy. Much happier than I had felt walking around JMU. The thing about Temple is that the campus itself is really nice and brightly lit and safe, but the parts around it are sketchy. But hello, it's a city. Cities are sketchy, especially to us country folk who aren't used to seeing abandoned buildings and trash in the streets. What made me happy was that I had been on campus for less than a minute and saw at least three people who I was like "You look normal, you look nice, we could be friends." There is so much diversity here, not just in race or religion or any of that, but just in different types of people. You have your typical jocks, your hipsters, your artist types, your techie nerds, your I-brought-my-musical-instrument-into-this-little-Korean-restaurant types. Surely I will be able to find my brand of crazy amongst these people.

     This is a little melodramatic but funny:

     My mom just told me to go check out what some people were doing outside because "it looked like they were having fun" so I opened the curtain and looked out and she failed to mention that they were in the building across the street and could definitely see me poking my face in the window to stare at them so now they think I'm some creepy stalker and I'll have no friends next year. Also, I still have no idea what they were doing. There were just like five guys standing around in a circle. Mother said "it looks like they're kicking something." Okayyyy then...at least I know where to go if I want to "look like I'm having fun" while "kicking something."

     Update: Just creepily looked out the window again and they're definitely break dancing.

     Me: They're definitely break dancing.

     Mom: Well whatever they're doing it's nice that they're having fun!

     Translation: It's nice that people do more than get wasted on Friday nights. :)

     I haven't even gone to the accepted students day yet but I'm already getting good signs and good vibrations about Temple and Philadelphia so fingers crossed that tomorrow will set this good feeling in stone and I'll be signing up to be an Owl soon. And once I do that, I can go back to my normal life and save this new one until August.

Day 818 Song Recommendation: "Neon Tiger" by The Killers.

-SE Wagner