Feigning Christianity & Church
I'll admit most days I feel like a failure as a Christian.
I can't believe that I typed that out because I know that so many other Christians feel the same way. But we're terrified to say it. Last week I decided not to go to Church. At all. I'll admit this doesn't happen often because I love my church but when I do I feel an immense amount of guilt. I get texts from people asking where I was and why didn't I come? I remember there was a time when I came to school someone in my youth group in a defiant tone would ask, "Where were you Sunday?" I'll admit I would do the same thing to some people. Because what else could you possibly have to do on a Sunday morning? Sleep? How dare you.
Last Sunday morning I'll admit I wasn't sick, I could get to church so why didn't I go? Because I wanted to sit on my couch and watch Criminal Minds. As I was watching the detectives try to find the serial killer the guilt crept up on me. I apologized to God and promised that I would go this week. I would read my bible a ton and pick up my devotional and catch up. I can just see God waiting for me to finish the list of all the things I'm 'going to do.'
I feel like as Christians we often try to please other Christians rather than God. The truth is God knows if you're going to do all those things. God knew that I wouldn't. He knows where we are in our lives and cares for us so deeply. He wants us to go to Church because we want to go to church not because we were peer pressured into it. I have friends who aren't Christian and I think they think that I am like the Virgin Mary. I am perfect and go to Church more than once a week and try to convert someone every week and I have a smile on the whole time.
Yeah, okay. Here's the reality of being me being a 'perfect Christian.'
I can't believe that I typed that out because I know that so many other Christians feel the same way. But we're terrified to say it. Last week I decided not to go to Church. At all. I'll admit this doesn't happen often because I love my church but when I do I feel an immense amount of guilt. I get texts from people asking where I was and why didn't I come? I remember there was a time when I came to school someone in my youth group in a defiant tone would ask, "Where were you Sunday?" I'll admit I would do the same thing to some people. Because what else could you possibly have to do on a Sunday morning? Sleep? How dare you.
Last Sunday morning I'll admit I wasn't sick, I could get to church so why didn't I go? Because I wanted to sit on my couch and watch Criminal Minds. As I was watching the detectives try to find the serial killer the guilt crept up on me. I apologized to God and promised that I would go this week. I would read my bible a ton and pick up my devotional and catch up. I can just see God waiting for me to finish the list of all the things I'm 'going to do.'
I feel like as Christians we often try to please other Christians rather than God. The truth is God knows if you're going to do all those things. God knew that I wouldn't. He knows where we are in our lives and cares for us so deeply. He wants us to go to Church because we want to go to church not because we were peer pressured into it. I have friends who aren't Christian and I think they think that I am like the Virgin Mary. I am perfect and go to Church more than once a week and try to convert someone every week and I have a smile on the whole time.
Yeah, okay. Here's the reality of being me being a 'perfect Christian.'
- I don't know all the books of the bible and have to look at the table of contexts to find a verse.
- I curse, a lot.
- I have idols.
- I have the shortest temper.
- I skip church to watch Netflix sometimes.
- I judge others.
- I can be vain.
- Many other imperfections.
Being a Christian is not a 'fake it till you make it' situation. Been there done that. You fake so much that eventually you don't know the difference. People see how you live your life outside of Church. If those are two different things than pick one of them. Preferably the real you. That's how God wants you and that's how the people in the church should want you. If you need to curse in your prayers than do it. That's the real you. You think God doesn't hear you when you're not praying?
I guess what i'm trying to say is, is that just because you don't go to church does not mean that you aren't a Christian and just because you do does not make you a Christian.
Be you.
DFTBA
-AB
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