The Impact of Words

     For some reason, this whole past week it seems like the things people have told me have been sticking to me a lot more than peoples' words usually do. In some ways this is good, but in other ways, not so much.
     When I told my English teacher that I got accepted to Messiah and got a really big scholarship, one of the first things she did was tell me I should still apply somewhere else "just in case", and that she knew a girl who got a big scholarship like mine but that after she applied for FAFSA, her scholarship got taken away. My English teacher is one of the nicest and most uplifting people I know, but when she said all that, I really felt like she'd bursted my bubble. I actually had a really bad day for the whole rest of the day, because I couldn't stop thinking about what she said. She was the first person I told at school, and then I didn't want to tell anyone else because it suddenly felt like I shouldn't be as excited as I was. I know she was just trying to be helpful, and wants me to do the traditional thing where I apply to a bunch of colleges just to be safe, but there's no where else in the world I want to go besides Messiah, so I'm not going to apply anywhere else. And if Messiah revokes my scholarship because I supposedly have too much money, well then I'll deal with that when the time comes. For now I'm going to stick to being absolutely and completely excited about this humongous blessing I've been given. It's funny because that same afternoon I told my Unified Tennis Coach (who's also my former English teacher) and his reaction was the complete opposite of hers. He was beyond excited and had nothing but completely positive things to say. He even went up to my Mom last night at Meet the Teacher Night and congratulated her and asked all about how excited she was for me. Yet somehow it's still the negative things my English teacher said that have stuck in my mind more than the praise my coach gave me.
     Then a few days ago, I had to leave Tennis early to go to a drama club meeting. I wouldn't have left early except that I thought that when we have indoor practices, we only practice till 4:30. Apparently that's not true, but it was too late because I'd already told the drama teacher that I'd be at practice at 4:30, and I didn't want to break my promise. When I was leaving for drama, my tennis coach said "Don't bite off more than you can chew". I was in a horrible mood that night because I just kept hearing his words over and over again, and I know he's probably right. That's when I decided I have to prioritize things and that sometimes I'm going to have to disappoint people. I'm glad I've figured that out, but I wish it didn't take him having to say that to me for me to figure it out because I was actually really hurt by what he said because it made me feel like I shouldn't be doing the things I love to do because I can't handle it or something. Once again, I know he was just trying to be helpful, but for some reason, I took it way too much to heart.

That's my Mom's hand on the left, and my hand
on the right. Shout out to MH for the gorgeous
henna!!!!!

     Finally, last night someone said something really nice that stuck with me, instead of something that brought me down unintentionally. My friend MH was doing Henna to raise money for Syrian refugees, so I paid to get my hand decorated, and when she was finished, she said "This might sound really weird, so don't take it the wrong way, but you have really pretty hands." It might sound kind of dumb, but that really touched me! I remember in elementary school a girl that used to be my friend (but is now long gone) told me I had chubby hands, and as stupid as it is, I've always been kind of self conscious about them. Before she told me that, I thought I had really nice hands; my Mom always likes to hold them because she says they're really soft and smooth. Even after my former friend told me that, I couldn't quite figure it out because I personally do think my hands are pretty nice. But I always look at my hands in photos and try to see what other people see, and then I think "Oh, I guess she was right, they do look chubby in pictures, and that's what other people must be seeing." But when MH said my hands were really pretty, it just made me really happy. I'm going to try and replace my former friend's opinion with MH's opinion when I look at my hands, because it's ridiculous to be self conscious about something you have to look at and use every day.
     I don't know why words have been affecting me so deeply lately. Maybe I'm just emotional because I'm a teenage girl, which I kind of hope is true because I don't like being so overly sensitive. I like being blissfully ignorant of negativity. But at the same time, I really liked being so touched by MH's compliments, so it would be nice if only nice things ever affected me.
     Anyway, I hope as you go about your day, you're not playing the mantra of someone's negative words over and over again in your head, because it's really not fun, and it's really not worth it.

-VaughnDL