Scars You Can't See

     Today my dad and I went to see American Sniper and I have to say that I am about 1,000 times more appreciative of every person who has every risked their life for their country. That takes a heck of a lot of bravery and selflessness that I know I don't have. So thank you to everyone who is willing to put aside everything in order to protect people you don't even know. Watching American Sniper was the closest look I've ever gotten at what it's like to go to war. I'd never understood the constant fear, the gruesomeness, the risks, the hard decisions, the guilt that comes with being in a war zone. And not just for the soldiers but for the civilians too. I can't imagine living in perpetual terror, not knowing whether I'll be alive come morning. Every morning I wake up with the security of knowing that I can leave my house and not be shot; that I can go to school and eat lunch and go home and have dinner and go to bed and repeat over and over. There won't be any bombs or tanks or soldiers parading through my neighborhood. And every day I take that for granted. I don't even think about it. I can't even fathom that. Just watching the movie was a semi-stressful experience; I couldn't even imagine what it would feel like to be a soldier returning home from war and trying to assimilate back into society; trying to act like a regular American going about my everyday business. It shocks me that any soldier who has seen war can ever be the same again, or normal again. American Sniper really portrayed how crushing and consuming PTSD can be. It almost destroyed Chris Kyle's family and it stole away any sense of peace he could have had upon returning back home. It was like he could never escape the warfront. I can't imagine giving my life for my country and experiencing hell daily just to come home and have my own little war still inside my head and not be able to talk about it or stop it. At the end of the movie, everyone stayed to watch the credits roll while pictures of Chris Kyle and his family showed on the screen and a montage of his funeral procession played. After the credits ended, everyone slowly and silently got up and left the theater. I was thinking to myself, "This is really eerie. No one is saying a word." And when we got outside my dad was like, "I don't think I've ever left a theater that was that quiet. It was like they were reliving his funeral." And it was. It was such a sobering film that there were hardly any words to express what everyone must have been feeling. Americans are notorious for bashing our soldiers and this movie was kind of a slap in the face to that attitude. War is a nasty thing and yes, people will do nasty, horrible things. But at the end of the day, America is the way it is because people are willing to do anything to protect it. And I don't think we should be treating veterans with anything but the utmost respect and gratitude.
     National Geographic recently ran an issue about soldiers who have experienced traumatic brain injury during war and the impact its had on their lives. Inside are several photographs of masks the soldiers made for themselves and looking at them made me realize how awful and crippling the mental effects of war can be. One guy said that he sometimes wished he'd lost a body part, just so people would see what the war had done to him, so they'd understand. With brain injury and PTSD, people see you and you look perfectly fine, so they treat you like you are, but when they realize you aren't yourself anymore, it becomes very isolating. And how can you even begin to talk about the things you've seen and done? American Sniper gave me the littlest glimpse into the reality of war and I'm glad I watched it.

Day 432 Song Recommendation: "Post-War Blues" by Dan Mangan. Get the song for free here.
-SE Wagner