Don't Be Ashamed
I have accepted the fact that I am not perfect.
It doesn't change the fact that I still want to be perfect.
I talked before about the demons in us that tell us lies all the time. I have enjoyed break a lot. I love being able to read, eat, sleep and watch Netflix whenever I want. It has taken a lot of stress out of my life which is always wonderful.
I honestly don't know why I am telling this story. Maybe because it's that I need to get this down. A few days ago I was having a bad day. I was frustrated and didn't get to do the things that I wanted to do done which always makes my mood sour because I feel like I failed the day. Wow that sounded dramatic. Before bed I got on Twitter and saw two of my good friends talking back and forth. They were making plans to hang out without me. Even as I type this I realize how ridiculous I sound. My friends are allowed to make plans and not include me. I guess it was the bad day that got me so mad. I didn't text them or say anything because there was no reason to make a big deal out of it. The next day I hung out with Megan. We went to high rock after church with my brother's girlfriend and went out to eat lunch. She was talking about how one of her friends had purposefully left her out of something she wanted to be apart of. I know how that feels. When we were in Church eating her mother's delicious egg casserole. (You have no idea how good it is until you try it.) She looked at me and said "You are one of my best friends." I was surprised because Megan and I don't live close to each other, we don't go to the same school and I'm sure she hangs out with a bunch of other people. Plus we have completely different personalities. My heart swelled a little and I smiled at her. I swear good friends are hard to come by. I haven't been friends with DL and SE for long but I really wish that we had. That could have saved me a lot of heartache. I remembered how these two girls who I had been friends with for years didn't want to be my friends with me because I was a Christian. It was something that they had tolerated for a while but for whatever reason it became to much. They deliberately kept me out of the group and whenever we did groups in class they wouldn't let me work with them. They said to my face that they didn't want to work with me. Of course I was angry and hurt and for the first time I was mad at myself for being a Christian. I wasn't going to stop being one though because of teenage girls. That is something that has never left me even though I have moved and made better long lasting friendships. It wouldn't be the last time that I would be mad at myself for being a Christian. There have been times where I wish that there wasn't certain things that I had to live by. It would be easier to curse whenever (which I do, do sometimes), drink, party and be stupid but at the end of the day what is that worth? For the first time in a while I took my bible off my bookshelf and began to read it. I was skimming through it and I saw the verse in John 15:18-19
One word, Faith.
No I have never seen God and I probably won't for a long time but I don't need to see him to believe in him.
So there's my rant.
DFTBA
-AB
I have formed a love for Joshua Hyslop. I found out about him from Lauren Hannah and I love his music. Seriously I cannot stop listening to his album. Of course along with The Civil Wars.
It doesn't change the fact that I still want to be perfect.
I talked before about the demons in us that tell us lies all the time. I have enjoyed break a lot. I love being able to read, eat, sleep and watch Netflix whenever I want. It has taken a lot of stress out of my life which is always wonderful.
I honestly don't know why I am telling this story. Maybe because it's that I need to get this down. A few days ago I was having a bad day. I was frustrated and didn't get to do the things that I wanted to do done which always makes my mood sour because I feel like I failed the day. Wow that sounded dramatic. Before bed I got on Twitter and saw two of my good friends talking back and forth. They were making plans to hang out without me. Even as I type this I realize how ridiculous I sound. My friends are allowed to make plans and not include me. I guess it was the bad day that got me so mad. I didn't text them or say anything because there was no reason to make a big deal out of it. The next day I hung out with Megan. We went to high rock after church with my brother's girlfriend and went out to eat lunch. She was talking about how one of her friends had purposefully left her out of something she wanted to be apart of. I know how that feels. When we were in Church eating her mother's delicious egg casserole. (You have no idea how good it is until you try it.) She looked at me and said "You are one of my best friends." I was surprised because Megan and I don't live close to each other, we don't go to the same school and I'm sure she hangs out with a bunch of other people. Plus we have completely different personalities. My heart swelled a little and I smiled at her. I swear good friends are hard to come by. I haven't been friends with DL and SE for long but I really wish that we had. That could have saved me a lot of heartache. I remembered how these two girls who I had been friends with for years didn't want to be my friends with me because I was a Christian. It was something that they had tolerated for a while but for whatever reason it became to much. They deliberately kept me out of the group and whenever we did groups in class they wouldn't let me work with them. They said to my face that they didn't want to work with me. Of course I was angry and hurt and for the first time I was mad at myself for being a Christian. I wasn't going to stop being one though because of teenage girls. That is something that has never left me even though I have moved and made better long lasting friendships. It wouldn't be the last time that I would be mad at myself for being a Christian. There have been times where I wish that there wasn't certain things that I had to live by. It would be easier to curse whenever (which I do, do sometimes), drink, party and be stupid but at the end of the day what is that worth? For the first time in a while I took my bible off my bookshelf and began to read it. I was skimming through it and I saw the verse in John 15:18-19
“If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own. Yet because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you."Need I say more? The world will hate us as Christian. Heck if you looked at a Christian related video on YouTube you could read the comments and see how much people hate us and how stupid we are. One of my atheist friends asked me how I could believe in God or Heaven if I have no proof.
One word, Faith.
No I have never seen God and I probably won't for a long time but I don't need to see him to believe in him.
So there's my rant.
DFTBA
-AB
 |
| From High Rock. |
I have formed a love for Joshua Hyslop. I found out about him from Lauren Hannah and I love his music. Seriously I cannot stop listening to his album. Of course along with The Civil Wars.
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