Animals Get Irony

Proof.

     So I have this theory that while dogs and cats may not be as intelligent as humans, they understand certain human things. Like irony. Example one: I woke up late last Friday (when we had off school), came downstairs, and let Maggie out of her crate to go potty (Mom had left to do something earlier in the morning and put her in there while I was sleeping so she wouldn't destroy the house) and I decided not to put her back in the crate while I took a shower because I'd be back in 15 minutes and what could possibly happen in 15 minutes? Well, I'll tell you. I came back downstairs and saw Maggie lying on her bed and was about to tell her what a good girl she was when I saw that she was gnawing on a book. I flipped out at first, thinking it was my mom's book club book, but then I picked it up and said, "Oh, the irony." The irony of your puppy chewing up a book called "How to Survive Your Dog's Adolescence".
     Oh, but that's not all! Example two: I go to put on my pajamas tonight, and my pajama bottoms are weirdly cold... but our house can get chilly, and maybe there was a draft in my room. But then I realize they're not cold, they're wet. So then I yank them off my body, cursing the cat (who happened to be lying oh-so-peacefully on my bed) in German and going to inspect the chair that my pajamas had been lying on, and it turns out there's a lovely wet patch on the fabric. So then I go get the Stain and Odor remover spray and start spraying the entire chair and listing all of the reasons why I hate cats and how it all started when our cat died in my doorway when I was like 8. I mean, come on. That's kind of like an omen for "Cats hate you and you're going to hate them". So then I'm stewing over this and then I go to pick up my pajama bottoms from where I threw them disgustedly on the floor to realize that they have freaking cats all over them. My cat peed on my cat pajama bottoms. The freaking irony. And if you're wondering why the cat hater has cat pajamas, they were hand-me-downs.
     I forgave Maggie for the book ordeal. That was actually pretty funny. But the cat peeing on my pajamas? No.

Day 337 Song Recommendation: "I Will Follow You" by Rivvrs. Get if for free here.
-SE Wagner