Personal Stuff
I'm not really sure what's wrong with our computer, but it is currently not working, so I'm
blogging from an iPad, which means this will be short because I can't type as fast with my thumbs as I can with all of my fingers.
I loved AB's blog post today and I definitely understand what she's going through because it's basically the story of my life. While I am a Christian and believe in God, I've never had one of those "I'm giving up my whole life to you, Lord Jesus" moments. Like, yeah, I've said it before, I've tried to make it work, but I've always felt like it was that line from Hamlet: "My words fly up, my thoughts remain below: Words without thoughts never to heaven go".
So the fact that AB even has a testimony to share is amazing. I mean, I can testify to things that have happened in my life where I was 100% sure there is a God, or times when things happen that can't be explained easily in any other way but divine intervention. But that "calling" thing? Close, but no cigar. 7 has helped me reflect on myself, but hasn't really forced me closer to God. But I think it's a process, and part of the process is coming to terms with yourself, and fixing yourself, and doing some thinking about yourself and the world before you can really get a good grip on the holiness thing. If you have no idea who you are, it's hard to know who your God is.
Sometimes I think that it would take something really horrible to make me be a truly good person. What I mean by that is that, sometimes I feel like I need to experience some real suffering and pain in order to realize how good I have it and shape up. But that's so not true. As Hazel Grace can testify to, you can know joy without pain. I guess what my point is is that I am guilty of that thing most people do, which is to suddenly jump on God when things are going downhill. For example, every time there's a big thunderstorm, with really loud thunder and bright lightning and strong wind (like tonight), I'm always like "Please God, let us be okay" because I'm kind of terrified of storms. A tree could fall on the house, things could get electrocuted, the house could get ripped up and sent to Guatemala...etc.,etc. I always ask for protection from God, even if I haven't talked to him in days.
But sometimes I surprise myself. When I was in seventh grade, my brother and I got home from school and my mom called a few minutes later to say that my grandma was in a really bad car accident and broke her neck and her leg and she was being flown to another hospital. It would be easy, in a way, to say "Yep, there's definitely no God. No God would let my grandma almost die." But I remember going up to my room, sitting on my bed, and saying "Thank you, thank you God that she's alive." Because it wouldn't have been hard for her not to be. She hadn't been wearing a seatbelt and her head hit the windshield. She spent two months in the hospital, and a year later she was basically back to normal. But I know it could have been a very different story.
I guess what I'm saying is that I wish that I could have the same kind of faith during the boringness of everyday life as I do in times of distress. I guess it takes time.
Day 312 Song Recommendation: "A New House" by Deacon Blue. Get it free here. Watch the music video here.
"So I'd take you back to paradise if I only could
-SE Wagner
blogging from an iPad, which means this will be short because I can't type as fast with my thumbs as I can with all of my fingers.
I loved AB's blog post today and I definitely understand what she's going through because it's basically the story of my life. While I am a Christian and believe in God, I've never had one of those "I'm giving up my whole life to you, Lord Jesus" moments. Like, yeah, I've said it before, I've tried to make it work, but I've always felt like it was that line from Hamlet: "My words fly up, my thoughts remain below: Words without thoughts never to heaven go".
So the fact that AB even has a testimony to share is amazing. I mean, I can testify to things that have happened in my life where I was 100% sure there is a God, or times when things happen that can't be explained easily in any other way but divine intervention. But that "calling" thing? Close, but no cigar. 7 has helped me reflect on myself, but hasn't really forced me closer to God. But I think it's a process, and part of the process is coming to terms with yourself, and fixing yourself, and doing some thinking about yourself and the world before you can really get a good grip on the holiness thing. If you have no idea who you are, it's hard to know who your God is.
Sometimes I think that it would take something really horrible to make me be a truly good person. What I mean by that is that, sometimes I feel like I need to experience some real suffering and pain in order to realize how good I have it and shape up. But that's so not true. As Hazel Grace can testify to, you can know joy without pain. I guess what my point is is that I am guilty of that thing most people do, which is to suddenly jump on God when things are going downhill. For example, every time there's a big thunderstorm, with really loud thunder and bright lightning and strong wind (like tonight), I'm always like "Please God, let us be okay" because I'm kind of terrified of storms. A tree could fall on the house, things could get electrocuted, the house could get ripped up and sent to Guatemala...etc.,etc. I always ask for protection from God, even if I haven't talked to him in days.
But sometimes I surprise myself. When I was in seventh grade, my brother and I got home from school and my mom called a few minutes later to say that my grandma was in a really bad car accident and broke her neck and her leg and she was being flown to another hospital. It would be easy, in a way, to say "Yep, there's definitely no God. No God would let my grandma almost die." But I remember going up to my room, sitting on my bed, and saying "Thank you, thank you God that she's alive." Because it wouldn't have been hard for her not to be. She hadn't been wearing a seatbelt and her head hit the windshield. She spent two months in the hospital, and a year later she was basically back to normal. But I know it could have been a very different story.
I guess what I'm saying is that I wish that I could have the same kind of faith during the boringness of everyday life as I do in times of distress. I guess it takes time.
Day 312 Song Recommendation: "A New House" by Deacon Blue. Get it free here. Watch the music video here.
"So I'd take you back to paradise if I only could
I want to walk you to the lane to the river
Through the woods
I want to show you how it was and what we used to do
With a new job, a new hope, a new view
In a new house
That's where we're going to go
I'm crying all the way to it now"
-SE Wagner
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