Cracking

     Oh goodness. The art of persuasion. It's one of humanity's greatest vices and greatest gifts. Depends on how it's used. AB and DL, you kill me. Don't you know how bad I am at giving things up, at changing my ways, at FASTING? I'm so bad. I'm awful. I have no lasting drive, unless I want something really, really badly. As I've said before, if I want something badly enough, I will try every way imaginable to get it. If not... well, let's not go there. The reason why I am so reluctant to do this 7 thing is because of the very first month. Food. Food is my comfort, it's my refuge, it's my happiness. When I get home from school, the first thing I do is get something to eat. Is it healthy? Sure, once in a blue moon. Every other time it's a cookie or pretzels or Chex Mix or candy. If I'm bored, I eat. If I'm stressed, I eat. I snack like nobody's busy. What's a gummy bear here, a peanut butter cup there, a handful of cashews? It's excess is what it is. I'm not hungry; why am I eating? Isn't that wasteful? I don't see anything wrong in eating dessert or a snack or junk food in moderation, but when it gets to the point where I'm falling back on food to comfort me... I guess you could say that's sad. But I'm not going to lie. I love food. It's so wonderful. But it some ways, it's become almost ALMOST like a false god. I find comfort in it, refuge in it, happiness in it, fullness in it. Isn't that what God is for? Yes, we need food or else our bodies won't function. But nourishment, at least nourishment for your soul, comes not from consuming large quantities of food, but from feeling whole in your being, about feeling happy where you are, and I think that AB and DL are right when they say that comes from God. And I think I have been putting walls up for a while now. These walls- excuses- made sense to me. They still do. But I am slowly, painfully, and begrudgingly trying to tear them down.

     The idea of only eating seven foods for a month makes me ache. It makes me feel quite miserable. I can already feel the absence of chocolate chip cookies, of veggie burgers (don't judge; they're delicious), of gummy bears, of cashews, of peanut butter, of ice cream... Oh, no. No ice cream for an entire month in the summer?!?!? Oh no... No, no, no. No Rita's? No Misty Meadow? Oh goodness. This is... Okay. It's going to be okay. No, it's not. I want to cry.

     I don't want to think about this any more. 

     AB and DL, you are fast approaching your careers as professional persuaders, but I'm a tough nut to crack. So please, keep trying. Although, I do admit, I'm going to have to come to terms with this on my own accord. That's the only way this is going to work; the only way I'm going to develop a lasting drive to carry 7 all the way through.

-Mumford & Sons

     To be honest, every month after the food month makes me excited. It's the food that makes me kind of want to puke or cry or ditch the whole thing. 

     I know that for AB and DL, food isn't the hardest thing. For AB, it'll probably be media, and for DL it will probably be clothing. We all have different things that we place too much value on that are, in the end, valueless. For me, it's food. For AB and DL, it might be something different. As we go through this challenge together, we'll discover how we each deal with struggles, and we'll discover what things each of us struggles with most, and it is my hope that we will take on each other's struggles as if they were are own, and in treating them that way, we'll be able to get through them more easily.

Day 126 Song Recommendation: "Roll Away Your Stone" by Mumford & Sons. If you are wondering what I'm feeling right now, listen to this song. Please.
-SE Wagner