From the Journals of VaughnDL

Image result for journal     A while ago, I made a post with excerpts from some of my journals over the years. Once again, I have completed another journal (almost perfect timing seeing as I'm leaving for college on Thursday). This was my 18th official journal, which I think is fitting since it chronicled most of my 18th year. After I complete a journal and before I begin a new one, I always go back and read the journal I just finished from start to end. It's always really interesting to me to see how much I've changed in just a few months. I started my latest journal back in January, and obviously so much has happened to me since then, probably more than any other journal before, so there are plenty of hilarious and touching moments, as well as lots of moments where I'm like "dude, I was so young and naive! And it was just a few months ago!" Anyway, I'd like to share some more excerpts from my journal with you, so here goes:

Sometimes I reflect on nature...

Thursday, January 21st

While I was sitting there, just staring out at all the snow against the backdrop of the dark sky, I was captivated by how silent snow is. It's so calm and unassuming, and no doubt completely beautiful, but at the same time, there's something kind of sad and melancholy about it.

If rain is tears, then snow is the hand on the shoulder of whoever is crying them. It kind of comes in softly after a disaster and patches things up and comforts.

The weather is kind of like the perfect metaphor for grief. Like there's that calmness before the storm, which represents the apprehension right before you know something bad is gonna happen. Then the rain is the death or disaster itself and all the anger and pain and tears (thunder, lightning, rain). Then the snow is like the calm resignation of what happened, or the comfort that people offer you when you're hurting that's both really soothing and beautiful, but also sometimes just amplifies the grief. And then the sunshine and warmth is when you're finally starting to move on and move past the grief.

I definitely think snow has the most personality of all the weather phenomenons, or at least the most interesting personality. It's so stoic and peaceful and silently understanding and observant. The cold, melancholy comforter.

Maybe people can fit into weather patterns too. Like, Mr. Darcy is definitely snow, while Mr. Bingley is a sunny day, Lizzie is a thunderstorm, and Lydia is a hurricane. How lame is it that I chose characters form Pride and Prejudice rather than actual people? LOL.

Sometimes I get a little sassy about my annoyances...

Monday, February 15th

Yesterday was Valentine's Day! I'm not one of those people who gets all down and dejected on Valentine's Day because I don't have a boyfriend, because honestly, my favorite parts of Valentine's Day are making cute Valentine's for my friends and eating chocolate and looking at all the cute Valentiney stuff in the stores and you can do all that without having a boyfriend. There's no point in being depressed about it. That always kind of annoyed me.

Sometimes I reveal the tragic mistakes I make...

Sunday, May 22nd,

Anyway, the one black spot in this amazing weekend of YROC was when I was driving MF home after going to McDonald's after Friday night's performance, and we're driving down that one little windy farm road, and all of a sudden I see this possum walking across the road, so I hit the brakes trying not to hit him but it all happened too fast and the possum was too slow and thump thump. Mr. Possum was murdered cruelly beneath the tires of Bambi. I cried a little (whilst MF laughed in the passenger seat). I mean he could have been somebody's father for crying out loud. And I just steam rolled him and crushed his little rodent body! And then today, I went over to MF's to help her with her Senior Footprint project, and there were 2 vultures standing by the carcass of the poor Mr. Possum, one of whom was picking away at his exposed insides. It was very upsetting I am a murderer.

Sometimes I get a little deep about special times of day...

Friday, August 12th

I've decided that 5:30 is actually a nice time to be awake. It's the same exact shade as like 8:30 in the evening. I walked down each side of the road to affix some dinky yard sale signs to the stop signs, and I could hear doves cooing and crickets chirping and literal cocks crowing. So peaceful. And the streetlights were all still glowing light and milky like they do. It was just really nice. And there's this feeling of quiet and calm that you don't get any other time of day since everyone's always so busy. And it's not so much that you feel alone in the world because everyone else is asleep, but more that you feel alone with your kind. Alone with other people who got up early. Because a few houses I walked by, there'd be like one light on and somebody inside bustling quietly, doing morning things, and I'd be like "hey, they're early birds like me!" I also noticed that the sun comes up alarmingly fast. It was completely dark at 5:30 and by 5:45, the sun was past the horizon. It seems like it should take longer than that. I mean, it takes hours to make it around the world (or rather, the world to make it around the sun), but then it only takes 15 minutes to make it over the horizon? Yet it takes longer for the sun to set, I feel. I guess it's all relative.
Image result for morning street lights

And lastly, my entry from today...

Saturday, August 20th

Well, this is it. The last entry of my journal, written on the last Saturday before I leave. How fitting.

Last night, DS had a bonfire, one last shindig with the gang and it was really fun. Nothing spectacular happened, we just sat around the fire and talked, answering those questions from that list where you supposedly fall in love by the end or whatever. It was some parts emotional, some parts lighthearted and fun, a perfect mix. I know it was my last time seeing most of them, and while I didn't cry, I did recognize the meaningful-ness for what it was.

I'm surprised at myself through all of this for not being more emotional. I think I got all my ugly crying out of my system a couple months ago. Either that or it's just about to hit me like a lead balloon. I guess we'll just have to find out.

I feel like I've written the same sentimental-this-is-the-end-so-much-love-and-sadness stuff for months, both in my journal or on the blog or just thinking it in my head so much that I've come to the point that I'm tired of belaboring it. We all know this would happen, that we'd have to say goodbye and be separated. But at the end of the day, we chose that. And we all know that going our different directions for further education was the smart choice in terms of putting ourselves on our path to a better life. So I'm done treating all this like some big injustice. In a way that feels like I'm saying I don't even believe our friendship will survive. Which is not what I believe at all. I believe that the friendships that are rich and fulfilling and were meant to last, will in deed do just that.



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